Page 50 of Someone to Tempt
He continues to stare, and I shrug. “They were laughing ather. My mom, who loved being the center of attention and never cared what anyone said about her. She was embarrassed by me. Nick could get into all kinds of trouble, but everybody knew he was cool. She could sleep with a string of married men, but she was beautiful and funny. I was the embarrassment because I wasn't good at something, even though I loved it."
"You were a good kid," he says. Not that I need the reassurance at this point. Okay, I totally need it. "You would have gotten better if you'd stayed with the lessons."
"It doesn't matter. I never danced in public again." I look out toward the crowded dance floor. "Until this class. Until I tried to let myself have fun."
"Tonight is no different than when we're at the studio."
I snort. "There's a big fat difference."
"Do you honestly think a bunch of strangers will care about your skill?"
"I think I'm not going to give anyone a chance to laugh at me again."
"Did you see them laughing when you were a kid?"
"What does that matter?"
He links our fingers together and squeezes. "Your mother wasn't a saint, and it's likely she was being run out of another town for having a relationship with another married man. You said it was the only time in your life your mother ever protected you. Is there a chance that, once again, she was protecting herself? This time at your expense?"
The breath leaves my lungs in a whoosh, and I feel like I’m watching a missing puzzle piece fall into place. “You think she pulled me out because of an affair?”
His smile is so sweet my heart flings itself against my ribcage like it wants to take refuge in Jake's arms. I know the feeling.
He traces a finger down my cheek. "I've seen the joy on your face when you forget to worry whether you're hitting a step or moving your hips the right way. If a good mother had recognized that joy in her child, she would have given you a standing ovation at that recital. Maybe you weren't going to embarrass yourself. Maybe your mother was going to be publicly humiliated for something she did, and chose to take care of herself instead of you.”
All these years I thought I was the failure, but maybe it wasn’t about me at all.
The waitress arrives at the table with two glasses of sparkling liquid and sets them down in front of us.
"You okay, hon?" she asks.
I take a mental inventory and find the panic has ebbed slightly. But I could still use a healthy dose of courage—liquid or otherwise—to handle tonight.
"I am," I answer, and Jake gives her a thumbs up.
When she turns away, I lift the drink to my lips, not caring what type of alcohol he's ordered. I'll take anything right now.
"Why does that taste like lemon-lime soda?"
He winks. "Because that's what I ordered."
"Tell me there's a shot being delivered to the table next."
He shakes his head. "If you want to order a drink, Iris, be my guest. But I know what happens when a person focuses more on numbing their feelings than acknowledging them. It's not a solution. At least not long-term."
"If you're looking for fun Iris, she's more likely to show up with a buzz than when I'm sober."
The waitress catches my eye as if she knows I was expecting something stronger, but I give a small shake of my head. As much as I don't want to live in fear, I don't want to be numb either.
"I'm looking for you to have fun, and not because you're drunk. That's fake fun. I want the real you. All of it."
Damn it.How am I supposed to keep the wall around my heart fortified when Jake keeps being so damn sweet?
Not only is there more to him, but he also makes me believe I'm more than I give myself credit for. I feel something crack inside me, a hairline fracture in the armor I've worn for so long. I know what flirting with Jake feels like. I can handle that. But this? This genuine interest in the real me? It’s terrifying. I don't know how to be vulnerable. My mom used her vulnerability as a weapon—it’s all I’ve ever known.
This feels like... an invitation. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that level of exposure. Or if I even remember how to let someone in after keeping everyone at a safe distance for so long.
"Even if my mom did what she did for the reasons you're implying, it doesn't make her wrong about me potentially embarrassing myself. The people here, it's like natural rhythm is part of the requirement. I don't have that, Jake. Like I said, it's one thing when I'm in a class with the AARP set, but I'm not looking to publicly humiliate myself."
