Page 40 of The Wish List
“Rude,” Freya muttered. “I’ll have you know I was singing in the shower the other morning and Mr. Jingles poked his head in.”
“He probably thought you were Mom,” Trinity said without a trace of sarcasm. “I think he really does miss her.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BETHSTILLCOULDN’Tbelieve she’d allowed her sisters to convince her to attend a holiday concert at the local elementary school. Although they hadn’t exactly worked hard at convincing her.
Freya and Trinity had simply told her that they, along with Greer, were taking their mom to see the show. Both of them seemed surprised she wanted to join them, and she didn’t blame them. In the past couple of days, she’d made it clear that while they were in town, she was tapping out as much as she could on their mother’s care.
She had no doubt they both figured it was because she would be taking on the brunt in the long months of rehabilitation. But she still hadn’t mentioned Nashville and nurse practitioner school to either of them. She wanted to have a plan first.
She wasn’t ready to give up on her dream if she could figure out a way to make it work and still care for her mom. Whenever she decided on the plan, she’d present it to Freya and Trinity as a done deal.
It was a trick she’d learned when she’d first taken responsibility for running the house as a kid. She’d been terrified of screwing up or doing something wrong or the pipes freezing when they had a cold spell along the coast. But she’d learned that if she didn’t show her doubt, nobody understood how pervasive it was.
She’d done the same thing in her marriage. She refused to let Greg see her pain, either as a result of the difficulty conceiving or the three miscarriages she’d endured.
She’d focused all of her energy on supporting him and then resented him for it, which wasn’t fair.
At least Beth could admit it now. She checked her reflection in the rearview mirror and wished she’d had enough time to go home and change out of her scrubs before the concert. But one of the nurses on shift after her had come in late. It was a typical occurrence.
Her coworkers knew Beth rarely minded staying. She’d pick up extra shifts and was always available if someone needed off, but today her constant pressure to be indispensable felt like it was taking a toll.
As she walked across the parking lot, she thought about her ex-husband and the night he’d spent on her couch. Greg woke the next morning with a pounding headache, embarrassed at his behavior and ready to convince her of his love and devotion for Lucy and his readiness to be a father.
At first, Beth had let him ramble on, but after a few minutes, she’d stopped him, motivated by Declan’s claim that she could choose not to take responsibility for every single person in her life. What a novel idea.
When Declan kissed her, it felt good to allow him to be in control. To give up the burden of responsibility and savor the moment. She’d enjoyed it way more than she expected.
It was funny because she’d thought he might ask her out or give some indication he wanted more than just a kiss, but he left it at that. In doing so, he’d made Beth desperate for more and unsure how to go about getting it. Beth was inexperienced in asking for what she wanted, but Declan made her yearn to change that.
Shaking off her thoughts about Declan Murphy, Beth hurried toward the school’s entrance. She hadn’t been inside since Trinity was a student, although it seemed not much had changed.
The school even smelled the same, like crayons and sweat. She’d had her first miscarriage a year and a half into her marriage and being in this place made her think about how old her child would have been. What grade and whether he or she would have been athletic or artsy or a bit of both. Beth had been a soccer player, which she’d loved but had given up when looking after her sisters and hiding their mother’s negligence took up too much time.
She entered the auditorium, which also doubled as the school’s gymnasium. Neither Freya nor Trinity had been interested in sports, which at the time Beth thought was a blessing. One less thing for her to manage. It was hard enough keeping their situation hidden at the school.
From what she knew of her colleagues who had kids in activities now, sports parents were way too involved. She figured somebody would have realized things weren’t right in the Carlyle home. In retrospect, it probably wouldn’t have been the worst thing that could have happened for any of them. But it was too late now.
She easily spotted her mom and sisters. May’s wheelchair was situated at the end of one aisle. Trinity saw Beth first, and the broad smile her baby sister flashed made Beth’s heart pinch. Her sister—her sunny, often irresponsible sister—was going to be a mother. Beth still felt sad that Trinity worried about her reaction.
But she didn’t blame her. Beth had long ago stopped resenting or doing what-ifs on the future and families other people had that she didn’t. Maybe Trinity would decide to stay in Magnolia to raise the baby. She could even continue living with Mom as long as May’s personality stayed the way it was now.
Beth didn’t like to think about what it said about her that she didn’t want her mom’s brain to heal. It wasn’t exactly true. She was happy for it to heal. She simply hoped it recovered in a way that would leave May still loving toward them all.
Her mother’s face brightened as Beth arrived at the end of the aisle.
“Hewwo,” May said. “Ew so pretty.”
Beth blinked. She was the opposite of pretty right now, coming off a twelve-hour shift.
While May usually dressed like the aging hippie she was in flowing skirts and brightly colored silk blouses, Beth’s style, if it could be categorized as such, was more efficient than anything else. In the past few years, May had several times suggested they go shopping. Often the timing coincided with a setback in Beth’s fertility journey.
At the time, she’d taken it as a slight. Her mom kicking her when she was down, making it clear that if Beth had dressed different—been different—then maybe she’d have more luck getting pregnant.
It sounded so ridiculous, she wondered if she’d been unfairly judging her mom while May had been offering to spend time together for the sake of being supportive. She still had trouble associating the concept of support and her mom together.
May lifted her right hand and gestured Beth closer for a hug. Her left side was still mostly limp, although she’d been making solid progress with her exercises. At this rate, May was on target to be home for Christmas, while Freya and Greer were determined to have the main floor ready for her.
