Page 91 of The Wish List
Trinity grimaced. She also rose and inched toward Thomas’s bassinet. “I thought it was the latter,” she said quietly. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
“This isn’t about me,” Beth repeated.
“Why are you acting like this?” May held out her arms like she could embrace all of them at once. She sounded genuinely mystified. “You should be happy. I spoke my heart in those pages, beautiful words about each of you.”
Beth shook her head and finally turned her attention to her mother. To the confrontation that she could no longer avoid. “Did you ever stop to consider that we don’t want your words? We want you to be our mom—for that to be enough. It’s never been enough. We’ve never been—”
“You don’t know how I feel,” May said. “How I felt for those weeks with my brain whirling.”
“I know that you were kind and loving,” Beth told her, unable to avoid the truth. “I know that you cared about us.”
“I care. I always cared. I want to help you. Let me—”
“We don’t need your help anymore,” Freya said slowly. “We needed you when we were kids, and you weren’t there. Literally.” She held up her hands. “You weren’t here. That’s why frozen pizza is our tradition on Christmas Eve. Frozen dinners and packaged food. Simply getting by has always been our tradition. It’s what you gave us.”
“I’m proud of each of you.”
Beth could see the tears in her mother’s eyes but didn’t understand why this was such a shock to May.
“How could I done such a bad job when you all turned out so good?” May challenged.
“We raised ourselves.” As quickly as Beth’s anger had come, it disappeared. Instead, she felt nothing. The emptiness burned far more than the anger ever had.
“Congratulations on your new book, Mom. I want no part of it. Merry Christmas.” She grabbed her coat from the hook in the hallway and walked out into the cold, silent night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
BETHDROVEAROUNDFOR...it was hard to say how long. She went past her high school, which seemed a little run-down and far less intimidating than it had when she was younger.
She wished she’d handled things differently, not just tonight but when back when she, Freya and Trinity were trying to navigate their lives around their narcissistic, sometimes negligent mother. Why had she thought May’s personality changes were sustainable?
Hope was a fruitless endeavor when it came to her mother.
Still, she couldn’t help wishing she might reach a point where she could appreciate the mom she’d had for those couple of weeks. She would not feel guilty for loving that mom more than her healthy one.
Her feelings might not be the most admirable, but she was entitled to them. At least she could give herself that grace. Once again, the one person she wanted to lean on for comfort was Declan. How long could she fool herself into thinking it was merely a fleeting connection between them? Nothing about her feelings for Dec was casual.
She loved him.
Beth drew in a shaky breath as she allowed the truth to wash over her—a truth her heart already understood.
Tonight’s family debacle made her more certain about her decision to leave Magnolia. What choice did she have and what should she do about her feelings for Declan?
Yet even after quarreling, it still hurt to think about leaving her mom and sisters. She liked the closeness of the past weeks, but Beth didn’t know how to set boundaries or advocate for her own needs and still maintain those relationships. Old patterns were too tempting when things got hard.
What if she didn’t have to lose everyone? Once Shauna didn’t need him, Declan had no fixed ties to this town.
Perhaps the reason he hadn’t set down roots was because no one had ever asked him to before. No one had chosen him. Beth wanted to change that.
Fingers trembling, she texted him that her plans for the evening had changed and was he available?
Christmas was a time for wishes and miracles coming true. Beth wanted hers to be the miracle of finally trusting she was worthy and deserving of love and the happiness it could bring into her life.
His response was almost immediate. Instead of agreeing to come to her house, Declan asked her to meet him at Champions.
She checked her watch because she knew the bar was closing early on Christmas Eve and messaged him that she could be there in ten minutes.
Arriving before him, she parked at the curb. It was late enough that the whole of the town had rolled up the sidewalks for the evening, although each shop had left lights glowing in the windows. The street had a magical quality as a result, and it didn’t surprise Beth when a few chunky flurries landed on the front window of her car.
