Page 12 of Wreck Me
He snapped his eyes to mine, and I braced myself for him to move his hand. His walls were up and although his face still showed a semblance of vulnerability, I could see him shutting down.
“Look, I know we’ve had a weird beginning to—” I waved my other hand between us, “—this, but I like you. I don’t know why, since you’ve been a total ass to me, but I do. I’m not expecting you to lower your guard and tell me everything, but just know if you need to talk, you can. I won’t push it or force you to though.”
Quiet filled the room and his eyes bounced between me, his hands in his lap, and the now darkened TV. He was lost in thought and I let him be, sitting in a comfortable silence while he processed whatever it was he was thinking about.
“I don’t want to be that guy with the sob story, Isla, but unfortunately, that’s my life,” he said, staring down at our hands. “I don’t want to project my problems onto you. I keep telling you I’ll fuck up your life.” He turned his head to look at me, his dark brown eyes pinning me with a saddened look. “Aren’t you curious as to why?”
“I have my suspicions why,” I stated matter-of-factly, watching as he guided my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. The sweet gesture made my heart flip. “You think there’s something you can’t give to me? Something I’ll be missing if you and I were to become a thing.”
He grunted, setting our hands back in his lap and unlocking our fingers, separating our hold from one another so he could pick at a string on the seam of his jeans. “I’m just going to say it, Isla. I’m not good enough for you. You come from a life of luxury and even though you say you’re trying to evade that lifestyle, you’ll want it back eventually. If things work out between us, I willneverbe able to give you a life of luxury. You’d be living a lower-class life until I’m able to get my career on the police force going, but even then, law enforcement doesn’t pay very well. Not like what you’re used to. We’d be living middle-class, at best. I’ll never be able to provide you with the life like what you grew up with. Fancy cars, lavish vacations, mansions, and a full staff. It’ll never happen.”
My entire body trembled with anger, a pent up rage I wasn’t even aware I was harboring. Anger, and hurt, and absolute disgust. Logically, I could recognize I shouldn’t have been so upset that he judged me so wholly, assuming my upbringing would be indicative of what I wanted in life, but I was so tired of having people decide my fate for me, I let the anger spike. “How fucking dare you.”
I stood and began cleaning up the paper plates we had used with our pizza and gathered the empty water bottles, needing a distraction. Caleb’s eyes trailed me as I went to the kitchen, dumping everything into the trash.
“You know,” I called, grateful for the distance between the rooms. “That’s an awfully big assumption for a guy who has never actually bothered to ask how my life was growing up with that kind of money. There’s a reason I left it, Caleb. There’s a reason why I’m out here paving my own way. Did you ever consider that?”
“Of course I did—”
“No, you fucking didn’t.” My tone shut him up and as I walked back into the living room, he rose from his spot on the couch. “You don’t know shit about my life. You think you do, but all you think you know are assumptions about what a rich girl's life would be like. Did you know growing up, I spent more time with my nannies than my parents? Yes,nannies, plural. I had a new nanny every six months because my father didn’t know how to keep it in his pants and my mother fired them every time she caught him with the newest one. My parents ignored me and fought about my existence constantly. I went to private schools, where I had to defend myself against children who thought they were men as they sexually harassed anyone they wanted, because it’d just get swept under the rug. Throw enough money at something and the problem becomes a solution.”
I laughed, anger continuing to spill over. “And don’t get me started about the petty bitches who spewed hate because they werejealoustheir predator of a boyfriend was giving unwanted attention elsewhere. My home was my solace, but not in the way you might think. It was my sanctuary because it was the lesser of two evils. My mother kept to herself, hopped up on pills to dull the heartache caused by my father’s transgressions. My father locked himself away in his office, throwing himself into his work or whatever nanny was on staff that month. And then there was me. Daydreaming about the day when I could walk out of the door and never look back. Do I love my parents? Of course I do. They’re my parents. Do I rely on the minimal financial help I receive from them? Unfortunately, yes, because I am a broke college student who desperately wants to follow her dreams but is still partially living under daddy’s thumb. So don’t sit here and assume you know anything about me and the life I want, Caleb. You don’t. I’d cut myself off from my parents and never look back if I had any job experience under my belt to get hired with, but I don’t. I’m trying, but I’m not there yet. Okay?”
I was shaking. My body quaked with adrenaline and I realized I was standing toe to toe with him, chest to chest, and I couldn’t even remember moving. For several seconds, we stared at each other: me with an anger I desperately was trying to fight off and him with emotions so mixed I struggled to read them. Without saying a word, Caleb wrapped his arms around my shoulders and buried his nose in my hair.
All the air in my lungs deflated as I took comfort in his embrace, letting myself melt into his chest as a sense of calm whooshed over me. I had been waiting years to get all the pent-up frustration off my chest, but the opportunity to express it had never presented itself. Until Caleb opened his mouth, baiting me to the point where I couldn’t help but explode. I felt a little guilty, yet I couldn't bring myself to apologize. I wasn’t sorry.
“I will never question you again, Starlight. Your choices, your path, your experiences. They’re yours, not mine. I’m sorry.” He placed a soft kiss on top of my head, tightening his already firm hold on me. His voice lowered to a whisper as he apologized again.
I don’t tell him it’s okay, even though it's at the tip of my tongue. Because it wasn’t okay, and I was tired of people walking all over me. But in reality, I’d already forgiven him. It wasn’t his fault he assumed. Most people do.
It also wasn’t lost on me that he apologized several times in the short time we’d known each other, but I let it go for now, hoping it was just a learning curve as we figured each other out. Like me, Caleb had been dealt a shitty hand in life. The only difference between us was I had the money to use as a crutch and bury my sorrows with materialistic things. Or at least I used to.
Moving my head to the side, I rested my cheek against his chest rather than my forehead and looked around at what I could see of my apartment. The only evidence of the affluence in my past was the Louis Vuitton sitting on top of my entryway table. The same entryway table I bought on clearance at TJ Maxx for $39.99 because it had a huge chip on the side and one leg was cut slightly shorter than the rest, causing it to tilt. I could see the bent cardboard beneath said leg to level it from where I stood, nestled into Caleb. The art on the wall was from the Goodwill. Most of the apartment's decor was from the dollar aisles at Target.
Very little had been brought over from my parents’ house, not including the clothes in my closet. I couldn’t afford to leave those behind and as much as I wanted to deny it, I wouldn’t have left them, regardless. I loved my clothes, and while I may not be able to afford their price tags now, that didn’t mean I couldn’t take care of what I had and incorporate them into my wardrobe for years to come. Except for replacing my underwear every six months like you’re supposed to, the rest would likely outlive their style.
“I shouldn’t have exploded like I did,” I murmured on a deep inhale, my shoulders sagging as I released the breath.
He kissed the top of my head again before saying, “I understand why you did. I was wrong.”
“Where do we go from here, Caleb? We barely know each other and we’ve both screwed up now. Should we start fresh? Pretend like all this didn’t happen? Maybe weshouldjust wash our hands of this whole thing and part ways. No harm, no foul.” I knew I was rambling again, but I couldn’t help it. Nerves had reared their ugly head and began gnawing on my insides, my insecurities becoming present once again.
“No,” he stated simply, causing me to pull back and look up at him.
“No?”
“No. We’re not parting ways. We’re not pretending like this didn’t happen, and we’re not starting fresh. We’ve done a damn good job of proving to each other that we’re humans. We have flaws, we judge, and we make mistakes. The only place to go from here is up, so we’ll do just that.”
His response did something to my tummy, sending the butterflies into a frenzy. “You’re more than what meets the eye, Caleb Hart. Who knew you were so philosophical?”
His eyes rolled, and a playful smirk dusted his face. “I like you, Isla. And just because we’ve had a really rocky start doesn’t mean our story will continue to be full of obstacles.”
“Our story? I thought you wanted no strings.”
“I think we both know that was bullshit.” He lowered his arms, dropping them to my waist before trailing the tips of his fingers down to my ass, roughly cupping it through my jeans with his entire hand. A squeak of surprise spilled from my lips, and my body spasmed, causing my hips to push forward into his. “What do you say, Isla? You want to jump in feet first with me and see where this takes us?”
Caleb slid his opposite hand down to match the other, gripping my whole ass tightly as he hoisted me into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his middle and slid my arms around his neck.
