Lily: Hopefully it’s not awkward.

Lily: What are your plans?

Me: Working, but I’ll stop by my parents while I’m on duty for a plate of Christmas dinner.

Lily: What’s on your Christmas list?

Me: You naked with a bow tied around your waist.

DECEMBER 19

Lily: I saw you on duty while I was in Ridgewood earlier. I think I liked the uniform better than the business casual thing you’ve got going on now.

Me: What’s wrong with business casual?

Lily: I’m not sure I like you in a tie.

Me: You’re right, I can think of much better uses for a tie…

Lily: Oh yeah?

Me: Yeah.

Lily: So could I.

Me: How would you feel about being tied up with a tie, Flower?

Lily: I think I’d like it.

Me: You’d like it. I’d tie you up and drive you wild.

DECEMBER 25

Lily: Merry Christmas, Noah. Did Santa treat you well?

Me: Merry Christmas, Flower. Santa skipped my house this year. I must have been a bad boy.

Lily: Lol! What did you ask for that he didn’t bring?

Me: You.

Lily: He must have got the address wrong, I’m at my house still.

Me: Go on a date with me, Lily.

Lily: I’m not ready.

A familiar sinking feeling pummeled the pit of my stomach when I read over that final message she had sent last Christmas. That hadn’t been the first time I had asked her out and been rejected. Flicking my thumb over the screen a few times again, I let the scrolling stop randomly and continued reading.

MARCH 9

Me: I can’t get the thought of kissing you out of my head. The taste of you. Memorizing every part of your body.

Me: How can you think about something on loop that you’ve never experienced?

MARCH 10

Lily: You make me question my own decisions.