Page 49 of Wicked Games We Play
I was leaving Noah Whitlock behind in Ridgewood and moving into Bridge Point as Joseph Kent. Joe. My new fucking name was Joe.
Hopefully, when I could come back to Ridgewood, Noah’s life wouldn’t be in complete shambles.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
I’d entered a vicious cycle and I honestly wasn’t sure how much more my heart could take. A Ferris wheel of emotions kept circling: happiness, sadness, regret, devastation, repeat.
There are stages of grief, but what happens to the heart when grief’s paired with an overwhelming sense of happiness and love, only to be tackled by the crippling reminder that the happiness and love are now on hold?
I regretted taking so long to realize that he was what I wanted.Devastated that he was leaving for who knows how long, and our communication was minimal. But God, the last few days were a dream. I was still on Cloud Nine. Noah was perfect.
Why did I take so long to realize that?
Now, sitting across the street from the police station, I watched him leave the building and get into a car I didn’t recognize. From where I was, my car idling under the shade of a giant oak tree, I had a clear view to watch him close the car door, shutting my heart inside of it with him.
Tears welled up as I watched him slam his fist into the steering wheel. It took everything I had inside me to not open my car door and run to him. We said our goodbyes earlier, but it still didn’t feel like enough—especially when I saw him like this. So at war with himself, his frustration matching my own.
After several frustrated blows to the wheel, Noah stopped and hung his head for a moment before reversing from his parking spot.
The air felt heavy—thick—in my car and I took a big gulp of air just to breathe, while I continued watching Noah’s car pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road.
The sound of my racing heart overwhelmed my hearing, causing my head to feel floaty, almost like I was having an out-of-body experience. Maybe I was on the verge of a panic attack.It was so hard to breathe.
All of a sudden, the brake lights illuminated the back of the beat up Camry, his car coming to a full stop, and Noah’s driver’s side door was thrown open as he jumped from the driver’s seat, leaving the car parked in the middle of the road.
Before I could register exactly what was happening, my door was pulled open and Noah’s arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me out of my seat.
Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around him, letting him pin my body against my car as he buried his head in my neck. The smoothness of his face nuzzled against mine, and I could feel moisture on my cheeks, tears falling openly.
I pulled back, stroking the side of his face while I looked at him in disbelief. I already missed his beard. Already missed him.
Noah held me tight, breathing me in as he tightened his embrace.
“What are you doing here, Lils?” His voice was clogged with emotion as he left a trail of heavy kisses on my neck. Before I could answer, he buried both hands in my hair, and he caught me in a kiss so deep I could hardly breathe.
“I couldn’t—I couldn’t,” I stuttered, overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that hit me all at once. He swiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to catch them as they fell, but there were too many.
“I know, Lily.I know,” he breathed, kissing me again, trying to console me. “Lily, look at me.”
My body trembled against his, and his hands moved to cup either side of my face. Still, I met his chocolate eyes and wiped at my own tears.
“I’m coming home to you, Lily. Three months will fly by, and then I’ll be back, and we’ll be together.Reallybe together. We can do this.”
“Okay,” I sniffled, “we can do this.”
“Couples have gone longer being apart. We will be okay.”
My head fell forward, resting against his collarbone. “I regret all the time I wasted, Noah.”
“Don’t. We have the rest of our lives. We will hardly remember a few months when we’re old and gray.” Gripping my waist, he lowered me to my feet. “I have to go.”
Noah’s strong hands grasped my face once more, and he dipped his head, resting his forehead against mine. The rise and fall of his chest grounded me, and I focused on his rhythm to center mine.
Telling him I loved him was on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed the words, knowing it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I said that right now. I felt it to be true, but this was all happening so fast and there were so many foreign emotions swirling through my body.
I’d never had to say goodbye to someone for any amount of time before. Rationally, I knew three months wasn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but right now, it felt like a lifetime. He was right, though—many couples spent much more than three months apart. I could handle this. I had to.
“Please be safe,” I whispered, pressing up on my tiptoes to reach for a kiss. Noah captured my lips, softly caressing my tongue with his, our bodies conveying what neither of us was putting into words. When we finally broke apart, he laced his fingers through mine and held my hand as I slid back into my driver’s seat.
