Page 27 of Wicked Games We Play

I couldn’t getthe undercover detail off my mind, my emotions conflicting between excitement and absolute dread. I lived for shit like this. It’s why I became a cop—to get shit done and put a stop to some of the terrible things that happen in this world. Yet, it frustrated me that Wes was so adamant about sending someone—me—undercover to see what the Sinners are up to considering they help us rid the streets of the scum that inhabit the shadows of Ridgewood. I assumed the higher-ups were breathing down his neck. We’d run silently alongside the motorcycle club for years, and the city had always turned a blind eye. It was only a matter of time before they finally came down with an iron fist. I just hoped we wouldn’t burn any bridges.

Wes came back to my office before I left for the weekend to tell me everything had been approved, and I would leave in four weeks. My assignment was fairly cut and dry; I would be “getting a job” a few towns over in one of the local factories. I was to be the eyes and ears within the building and figure out how, and why, they were connected to the Sinners. We needed to know if they were laundering money, pushing drugs, trafficking, or anything else incriminating. There was no end date to my assignment, and I knew that all communication would have to be cut to the outside world aside from one point of contact at the department who would be assigned to me later.

My communication with Lily would have to cease while I was gone. If I was lucky, I’d be able to send a text here and there from a burner phone, but even that had its risks. It felt as though there was a fifty-pound weight tied around the vessel in my chest, weighing it down until it sat in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe this was what we both needed, though. Lily was so against being in a relationship, and being in a relationship with her was all I could think about. We had made it this long apart, so what was another few weeks or months? Maybe this would be the time that she needed to realize that I wasn’t going anywhere. I never would. I’ve been here all along.

It was no secret to me that I became desperate when it came to Lily. It was incredibly unbecoming, but I couldn’t help it. I had gone so long without her in my life and now that she was within arm’s reach, I wanted nothing more than to hold on to her forever. It gutted me that she kept denying the chemistry between us.

Yet the thought of going undercover and being so close, yet unable to see her, talk to her, and touch her, gutted me more.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

The minute’s hand on the clock moved painfully slow as I waited for Jordan to fall into a peaceful sleep. We had the best day together. I had missed him so much when he was with his dad, but as a mom, I lived for bedtime when I could finally unwind and relax myself.

Busying myself by cleaning the kitchen and straightening up the living room, my mind wandered to Noah and I couldn’t stop the lingering question that constantly filled my mind these days. Pulling down the vodka from the cabinet above the refrigerator, I poured a healthy shot into my empty water glass that I hadn’t put away after dinner before pounding it down.

Why was I so hell-bent on denying my feelings for him?

Noah was sexy, smart, successful, and absolutely crazy about me, yet the only thing I could bring myself to do was what? Try to get him in bed? As time passed, I was quickly realizing that being on my own wasn’t everything I had hoped it to be.

I poured another shot into my cup and tossed it back, letting the vodka burn my throat before fully swallowing it down.

Being a strong, independent woman was one thing, but I missed sharing my days with someone, especially since Jordan was with his dad half the week. I was quickly learning just how lonely I was when I didn’t even have to be.

Finally satisfied with how the house looked and the slight buzz flowing through my system, I allowed myself one more shot before I showered, pulled on a tank top and pajama bottoms, then climbed into bed. With the lights out and the vodka warming my insides, my thoughts were consumed by the chocolate-eyed detective I was crumbling for.

Wanting to get my mind off him, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through my SparksFly account, which was never a smart move when drinking, but Alana wasn’t here to advise me otherwise. First dates and casual sex weren’t really my thing, but I was trying to force myself to be available. A few dates wouldn’t hurt, right? Just because that first one was a complete bust, doesn’t mean the next would be. Despite feeling open-minded and slightly drunk, I continuously swiped left, my irritation growing with every passing profile. Not a single guy caught my eye and tempted me to swipe right. And I was legitimately reading their bios, not just judging a book by its cover and going off their profile picture alone.

Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I was comparing everyone to Noah. Not a single one of them even came close.

Laying my cell phone on my stomach, I closed my eyes and let myself think about the night that Noah pulled me over. I chewed on my lip while thinking about his rough hands on my body and the closeness of him when he caged me against the car. Why had that been so sexy?

And the handcuffs.

Holy hell, those handcuffs.

My panties dampened at the thought, and the sudden urge to call Noah and beg him to come over was overwhelming.

Would he come over? He had asked me if I had been free last night, and I immediately said no. It would be inappropriate to bring him around Jordan—it would confuse him. But Jordan was asleep now…

I couldn’t stop myself from picking up my phone, quickly finding his contact, and pressing the call button to connect us. My smile was wide when he answered on the third ring.

“Hey, Lils,” he answered, his warmth flowing through the phone. Desire pooled between my legs at the sound of his voice, the alcohol in full effect.

“Hey,” I replied, my voice lower than I intended.

“Everything okay?” he questioned. I could hear a door close in the background and I wondered if he was home.

“Everything’s great, I just wanted to call…” Why had I wanted to call?

“Are you missing me, Flower?” he asked. I could hear him shift on his bed, the coils of his mattress squeaking faintly underneath his movements. That answered my question on if he was home.

“You said you needed to see me yesterday. What’s up?” My voice slurred slightly as I deflected his question. Yes, I was avoiding telling him I missed him. It was on the tip of my tongue, yet I couldn’t bring myself to utter the words, even in my slightly inebriated state.

He chuckled deeply. “I was just hoping to see you this weekend. I had fun on our—I had fun bowling. Have you been drinking, Flower?”

My heart skipped a beat, knowing he had almost called it a date. He wasn’t typically one to shy away from calling things as they were, though, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he had chosen to this time. “Me too,” I whispered.

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