Page 36 of Wicked Games We Play
“Oh, yes, yes, good thought, my girl.” She scooped up the pile of stems in front of her. “C’mon now, I’ll follow you out.”
Holding the door open for her, she stepped through but ceased walking when she saw Noah hovering near the cash wrap. Adjusting the flowers into one arm, she used the other to pull her bifocals to the bridge of her nose. “Well, I’ll say, haven’t seen a man that handsome since my Frederick passed. That one yours, honey?”
A blush heated my neck and cheeks, and my eyes snapped over to Noah who was looking out the shop window, but the smirk pulling on his lips told me he had heard her. Rather than responding, I smiled kindly at her and walked behind the cash wrap to grab my purse and cell phone. “Thank you again,” I called to her as I opened the shop doors.
Noah reached above me and held the door as I walked through it before he followed me out himself. “Let’s go to the square.” He nodded across the street. He still wasn’t making eye contact with me, but I followed him dutifully across, keeping stride with him as we walked.
Mrs. Landry’s shop was nestled in the small downtown of Shadow Hills, right across the street from a lovely area where people could hang out and relax after doing their shopping. The Square housed a gazebo, a large grassy area, and plenty of park benches. The space was filled with trees and gorgeous flowers that were in full bloom. It was a great spot to take my breaks in; I loved to spend them curled up under the large tree and read whatever romance novel had caught my eye that week.
I followed him up the steps and we stopped walking once we were standing beneath the shade of the gazebo. There was a distance between us I was eager to close, but the vibes that Noah was harboring kept me from doing so. Looking up, my eyes finally connected with his. Emotions flooded his chocolate brown eyes—full of turmoil, hurt, and confusion. The look he was giving me made me so nervous, I felt the words on the tip of my tongue completely fade away.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
Itook a step forward, stepping into her space, my body barely inches from hers. The movement of her chest rising and falling momentarily captivated me, and I took a shallow breath as I readied myself to speak. “Lily, I’ve been a patient man, and I know I told you as long as it takes, but it’s been years, Lily. I’ve waited for years. What more do I need to do to prove to you that you areeverythingto me?”
She threw her hands into the air and tried to take a step back, but her back hit the gazebo’s railing. “It’s not a matter of proving anything to me! I’ve told you countless times; I’m just not ready. It has nothing to do with—”
“Me? It has nothing to do with me? Lily, it has everything to do with me. I’m the one you’re pushing away. I’m the one that’s getting rejected over and over again.” Moving toward her again, I gave her nowhere to go but to step back as I boxed her in between the railing and my body.
“It doesn’t, Noah.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m not rejecting you. I’m telling you, I need time. Me wanting time to be on my own is not a reflection of you. How could you even think that? I was married for ten years. I need time to figure out who I am.”
It felt like she had thrown cold water in my face the way her words slammed into me, getting under my skin. “All that is now is an excuse, Lily. I’ve given you time. We’ve been back and forth for months and I can’t do it anymore. The push and pull, the jealousy. It’s too much. I have enough going on at work and the uncertainty that we have going on is starting to affect my job—I’m done fucking around, Lily. I’m standing here asking you to be mine one more time. Toreallybe mine.”
“Noah—” she began, cutting off my words.
I took a step away from her, putting space between us. Anger rippled through me, but I forced myself to keep my voice steady. “Be quiet, Lily, and let me speak. You and I go head-to-head enough, so just hear me out. I want you in my bed in the morning. Every morning, Lily, and I want to make you pancakes and play with your hair while you sip your coffee. I want you here when I get off a long shift. I want to climb into bed in the evenings and pull you close. All I want, all I’veeverwanted, was to give you every piece of me, and I want all of you in return.”
She sucked in a breath, and my stomach dipped at the sight of her bottom lip quivering. “Why can’t things just stay the same, Noah? I’m here now…” her voice trailed off, and I watched her face fall. When she looked down, my heart plummeted to the floor, along with her gaze. “We’re having fun, aren’t we, Noah? Why do we need to overcomplicate this with labels and commitment? I’d be open to those things later, but not now. I’m not ready now.”
“I’m done with how things are right now, Lily. I’m not doing this anymore. No more games. I’m done with them—I’ve spent over a decade holding out hope. I stepped aside and respected your decisions back when we were kids, and I’ve waited in the wings every day since your divorce. We’ve kept things at your pace, but I want more, Lily. Ineedmore.”
“What are you saying, Noah? What happened to as long as it takes?”
It was as clear as day that I was going to lose her unless she lost me first. There would be no us unless I walked away and put space betweenus. I had two weeks before I left and went undercover, and the thought of more time spent away from her made my throat clog—it was a bitter pill I couldn’t swallow.
Walking away temporarily was a risk, but a calculated one. I knew she had feelings for me. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t, but it was an entire decade later and she was still pushing me away because of what she thought she needed. If time was what she wanted, then time is what she'd get, but I couldn’t be brought down into the pit of despair alongside of her just because she was so set on self-sabotage. I had so much on my plate with work… I just hoped this wasn’t a mistake.
When she was ready, I would be here waiting, but I knew now that she couldn’t know that. She needed to believe I was done waiting for her. Me waiting was killing any chance we had for an us.
Slipping into the mask I had perfected to keep my emotions cloaked, I pushed everything aside that I was feeling, took a deep breath, and readied myself for the pain I was about to inflict on both of us.
“Time’s up,” I whispered as I pressed my lips against her forehead, breathing her in one last time.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
He was walking away.
I watched as he made his way down the three shallow steps of the gazebo and toward the parking lot. My feet were moving before I could even register that I was chasing after him. When he made it to his truck and slipped inside without so much as glancing back at me, my body froze and an unfamiliar emotion ripped through me. I dropped to my knees, my chest heavy with pain.
He was giving up on me.
I had made him wait too long. The tears were uncontrollable, streaming down my face the second I heard the roar of his truck’s engine come to life and the sound of crunching gravel. Pulling at the blades of grass from the lawn I had collapsed into, I let out the sob that had been building within. Something snapped inside of me and instant regret flooded my senses. I’d been so incredibly stupid this entire time.
And now it was over… had it even really begun?
Of course it had.
I thought back over the last several months, knowing I had taken every moment for granted and wishing that I hadn’t.
