Page 35 of Wicked Games We Play
The drive to Lily’s had given me clarity and as much as I wanted to pretend like my little epiphany hadn’t happened, I knew what needed to be done. But despite the cold hard truth assaulting my mind, I retreated, backing down the stairs while nodding my head.
“Yeah, I guess we did,” I snapped, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice. Our eyes met before I turned and went back to my vehicle. By the time I situated myself in the driver’s seat and glanced back toward the house, Lily was inside and the porch light was off.
When I finally pulled into my driveway, I left the unmarked running for a while and sat in silence. The gentle vibration from the engine helped my mind slip into a daze and I thought about the last several months and reflected on my various interactions with Lily.
The night she texted me about her separation, I had been so thrown off, it physically felt like the world had shifted on its axis. Immediately I was torn in two: a man in a relationship with his best friend that was basically a glorified friends with benefits, and a man who still hungered for a woman whom he had hardly spoken to over the last decade. How could I let down the one person who had made the last few months of my mundane life bearable in order to pursue the one who ignited my very being?
Thankfully, my best friend had been undeniably in love with Lily’s ex since we were teens, so when she came to me just moments after Lily had sent me that text, I could tell he had gotten to her also. Encouraging her to pursue what her heart wanted came with equal parts pure and selfish intentions. Of course, I wanted her to be happy, but I knew that by setting her free I was opening a door of my own.
For months, Lily and I toyed with each other through our messages. I tried to be a fucking gentleman by not pursuing her too early, but with every passing week—hell, with every passing day, I grew more antsy to make her mine.
Running into her at Andromeda had been a planned coincidence, thanks to Rosie, and when I saw her from across the bar, something snapped inside of me. I couldn’t control my body. All it took was her eyes locking with mine and I was a man unhinged. I closed the distance between us and slammed my mouth against hers, finally taking what I craved. When she melted into me, I knew I was completely fucked. What had been a pipe dream before was suddenly real and tangible in my arms.
When she let me lead her away from the prying eyes of the crowd and I finally had my taste of her, I knew with a certain finality there was no going back. Ever. I would either die one day a very happy man or a sad and lonely one, but either way, the sun would rise and set with her in my mind and heart.
My thoughts shifted back to reality when my phone vibrated from within the pocket of my pants. The muscle in my chest skipped a beat, hoping the person on the other end was Lily. I felt my face fall when I saw Will’s name flash across the screen.
Gruffly, I answered the call. “Yeah?”
“You coming back to the station?”
Fuck. How did I completely forget I was on duty? This was exactly what Wes had been talking about… Iwasgetting sloppy, letting my mind fixate on a certain blonde rather than keeping my job a priority while I was on the clock. A deep guttural growl caught in my throat, caused by my increasing frustration.
“Did you just growl at me, bro?” Will asked, a husky chuckle penetrating through the phone. He was being far too cheerful for my mood, and it was pissing me off even more.
“I’m on my fucking way,” I barked, ending the call and throwing my phone to the passenger side floorboard roughly. I sat for a few extra minutes, urging myself to calm down and refocus. I had to put this aside before I made it back to the station, or Wes would know what was up and my head would be even more on the chopping block. I could salvage this if I pushed my rage aside, at least for the rest of the night. For all they knew, I took a slight detour and got some food. That’s the story I would run with.
When I made it out of my sleepy neighborhood and onto the freeway, I cranked up my stereo, turned on my emergency lights, and floored the gas pedal, letting the unmarked vehicle coast at ninety the entire way back.
Because, fuck it.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
The sound of my fingernails drumming against the cash wrap and Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” filled the flower shop. I sat watching the clock, counting down the minutes until I could leave for the day, but my stomach growled and served as a reminder that it was just barely time for my lunch break.
Deciding the clock wasn’t moving fast enough, I hopped off the stool I was perched on and busied myself around the shop, adjusting things that didn’t particularly need to be adjusted, and patting down the envelopes on the card stand so that they were even with the cards.
I really needed to get a big girl job.
While I continued working on unnecessary tasks, I let my mind wander back to my dream of owning my own home decor boutique. It seemed like such a far-fetched dream at this point. I didn’t know the first thing about owning my own business. Was it something that I could figure out? Where would I even get the merchandise? The idea of researching everything made my palms clammy.
Right now, I felt stuck. My quest for independence and making this “my” time was failing miserably. Other than living alone half the week and having the freedom to go out whenever I wanted during that time, nothing had changed. I was still no closer to knowing what I wanted to do with my life than I was when I was still married. The feeling of being plateaued was still very much front and center in my life. Noah was the only thing that felt new and exciting, and I was pushing him away.
Self-destruction was in full force and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I felt lost, helpless, and like I was failing at literally everything.
The familiar chime from the shop’s door opening shifted my direction, and my breathing hitched when I saw Noah standing just inside of the building.
“Hey,” I said softly, smoothing out my light pink bohemian style dress as I walked toward him. “Wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
“Yeah,” he murmured. His eyes darted around the shop, avoiding my own. "Can we talk?”
My heart sank slightly. “Um, yeah.” I glanced at my watch. I was only slightly early for my break—it shouldn’t be an issue. “Let me just go let Mrs. Landry know.”
The soft soles of my ballet flats made no noise as I approached the walk-in refrigerator. I slipped into the coolness before closing the door behind me. Mrs. Landry was working diligently to create a bouquet of wild flowers and I could see puffs of her breath while she expertly moved stems around as if they were a puzzle she was confident in solving. “Mrs. Landry, do you mind if I head out a few minutes early for my break?”
“Of course, dear, whenever you’re ready,” she said affectionately, smiling at me with tight lips.
“Thank you. Mrs. Landry, why don’t you come into the front? It’s far too cold back here in the refrigerator—I can see your breath.”
