Page 23 of The Curse of McMillan Castle
“Mom. You need to take one real big deep breath. Get a grip. It’s going to be fine. It’s just dinner. You’ve already eaten dinner with him once before.”
I smiled at Rosie, and closed my eyes as I drew in the deepest breath I could manage, which honestly wasn’t deep at all. She kept her grip on my arms as she stared into my eyes.
“You look great. Duncan is nice. Just relax.”
This wasn’t the way this was supposed to work. Rosie wasn’t supposed to be reassuring me. I was supposed to be convincing her that it was okay for me to date.
“Are you sure this doesn’t bother you? I know it has to feel weird.”
Rosie let go of my arms and took one step away from me before crossing her arms and sighing dramatically.
“Mom. It’s only dinner. You’re not marrying Duncan. And yes, it’s fine. Dad’s been gone for years now. It’s time for you to enjoy yourself again. I’m ready to have my old mom back.”
Those words plucked at the ever-present knot of guilt I suspected all mothers feel from the moment their children leave the womb. While my grief after Tim’s death seemed unbearable at the time, I could now see that Rosie’s grief had been even worse. She hadn’t just lost her father. For quite a long time, she’d lost me, as well. I wasn’t sure I would ever stop feeling horrible for all that I’d put her through.
“I’m better than I was, surely?”
Rosie nodded and dropped her arms to come and give me a hug. “Much better. But still not the same.”
Was anyone ever the same after losing the person that seemed to make the world spin for them? I wasn’t sure ‘same’ was possible.
“I’m not sure I ever will be that person again, Rosie. Not entirely.”
With her face pressed against my chest, I hugged her tightly as she answered me.
“I know. But there’s got to be more happiness out there for you than you feel right now.”
“Are you happy, Rosie?”
She shrugged in my arms. “I’m thirteen. Nobody is happy at thirteen. At least that’s what Grandmother told me the other day.”
I laughed and bent to kiss the top of my daughter’s beautiful red hair.
“Your grandmother’s right. Thirteen sucks.”
Sensing that Rosie was now fully over her unusual display of affection for me, I released my grip on her and moved to give myself one more check in the mirror.
At least I looked better tonight than I had on the first night Duncan met me.
Rosie was right. It was going to be fine. Even if it wasn’t, even if Duncan ended up being a total loser, it was good to feel nervous again—to feel anything again.
* * *
Duncan
“All is cooked and warm for the two of ye. Gregor and I willna move from our room until after the lass has left, I promise ye. Ye willna ken we are here.”
Isobel had gone far beyond her duties as innkeeper for him more than once. But tonight’s spread of food and candles astounded Duncan as he looked at all that was laid out before him.
“Isobel…I dinna…” Duncan was beside himself. “I dinna mean for ye to go to so much effort, lass. I expected ye to serve what ye usually do. And I dinna mean for ye to run everyone else away from the inn.”
She waved a dismissive hand at him. “Nonsense. I enjoyed every bit of it. And sending the one-night stay travelers away has given Gregor and me a chance to have an evening of rest.”
Isobel pointed through the window before turning to run upstairs.
“She’s nearly here. Have a lovely evening, lad. Ye deserve it.”
* * *
