Page 22 of Love Beyond Wanting
He shook his head without hesitation.“No, but he loves her verra much.And in fairness, I couldna love yer sister more if she were my own kin, so I doona know if I would ever think anyone was good enough for her.”
“I agree.No one is.”
“What of ye, Kate?Yer sister mentioned that ye’ve a love of yer own.Is he sleeping in another room, or did ye leave him behind for this new life of yers?”
Had it been any other circumstance, or perhaps with any other person, I would’ve squirmed away from the topic of Dillon.After spending so many hours spinning out about him earlier, he wasn’t really a topic I wanted to discuss.But he was, even if I didn’t want to admit it, still on my mind, and for some reason, none of my normal defense mechanisms rose up at Maddock’s question.
I couldn’t tell if it was something about his presence that calmed me or if I was just simply too exhausted to put up my usual defenses—perhaps I was jet lag drunk.Whatever it was, it felt nice to speak honestly without my words causing me some sort of physical or emotional pain, so I did so freely.
“I ended things with him a few weeks ago.He won’t be coming with us.”
His lips pulled to the side in a sympathetic expression as he spoke.“Ye must be grieving for him.’Tis never easy to say goodbye to those we care for, even if we know ’tis right for us to do so.”
“Perhaps I should be grieving, but it was never right between us.”
“Did ye love him?”
I waited a moment before answering.I wanted to be sure that my first reaction was truly how I felt.“I thought I did.I do love him in the sense that I care about him.I would never want anything bad to happen to him.I hope he’s happy, but I don’t think that I was in love with him.I don’t miss him, and I don’t believe I ever shall.”
“Then you werena in love with him, lass.”
I nodded in agreement.“Right?I mean, I just believe it should be more intense between two people than it was with Dillon and me.I want that jolt to run through me every time I look at the person I’m with; I want to light up when I’m in a room and he glances my way; I want…” I paused to see him watching me closely, and warmth spread through my whole body.It was an intimate, knowing glance, and something silent passed between us that made me wonder if perhaps his reaction to me wasn’t so different from mine to him.“I just want more.”
He shook his head to relieve the intensity between us.“Ye deserve more, lass.Do ye mind…” He pointed to my missing right arm.“Does it pain ye to speak of the fire?”
Usually, it did, but I didn’t feel like it would be so painful to talk about it with him.
“Sometimes, but my therapist would tell me that speaking about it will only make it easier for me to move on.”
He said nothing, giving me plenty of time to talk through it at my own pace.
“It was a normal night.I worked a little later than usual.I was over at a client’s house finishing up a decorating job.I came home thrilled that the client had loved the new bathroom I’d designed for her, but I was also exhausted.
“I’ve always been a very heavy sleeper.I’m hard to wake, and when I’m tired, I sleep like the dead.Anyway, the fire started in the apartment above me.The old man that lived there left his stove on and something caught, and the entire building went up so quickly.The alarms sounded, and most people woke up and were able to evacuate, but I slept right through it.
“By the time Mr.Crinkles managed to wake me, the apartment was filled with smoke.We nearly made it out before part of the ceiling caved in and pinned us both to the ground.Debris flew into Mr.Crinkles’ eye causing him to lose it, and my arm got pinned beneath the ceiling.It’s a miracle that firefighters were able to pull us both out and that all we lost were an eye and an arm.”
He shook his head and his gaze looked sad.“I canna imagine how frightened ye were.How great the pain must have been.”
“In all honesty, I wasn’t frightened.It happened too quickly for me to be scared, and the pain was nothing then.”I shuddered thinking about the weeks and months of recovery afterward.“That came later.Luckily, I didn’t have too many burns on my body.That was the one blessing about the way things fell.The part of the building that landed on me and Crink didn’t actually catch on fire, so we were shielded from most of the flames.
“You asked before why anyone would want to leave here.Visiting with you has driven home my reason even more.My roots are too deep in Boston.Every place I go—my work, Laurel’s apartment building, all of my favorite restaurants—everyone knows me.Or at least they did know me.Now, they look at me as if I went somewhere in that fire.They don’t look at me the same because they know who I was before.I changed.I know that, but I didn’t die.I’m still here, but I’m not sure everyone else knows that.All you can see is who I am now, and that’s more refreshing than I know how to express.I’m ready to leave everything behind.I don’t think I ever could’ve really healed there.”
He leaned forward with his hand that wasn’t holding up his head and gave my knee a gentle squeeze.“I thought yer sister was the bravest lass I knew.I doona know if I can say that anymore.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes.“Brave is the very last thing I am.I’m scared of everything.”
“O’course ye are.We are all scared, but most of us allow that fear to keep us from doing things.Ye doona do that.”
We spent the rest of the night talking.We spoke of the other men on the Isle and of Laurel’s throwdown with Machara.We spoke of serious things and silly things.By the time the sun began to peek through the windows, I was certain I’d never been so happy to start a day on so little sleep.
“I think ye should go and speak to yer mother about what is troubling ye now, lass.Before the castle wakes and the day truly begins.The time just before ye sleep and just after ye wake hold a special sort of magic.People are more prone to honesty; to bearing their soul, if ye will.”
At some point in the night, we’d circled back around to the topic of Dillon, and I’d mentioned my worry over my mother’s insistence that I speak with him.He was right, I wanted to find out what was up.
Standing and stretching from hours of sitting there on the bed, I smiled at him.“You sound as if you know this from experience.”
He motioned between the two of us.“Look at us, lass.We hardly know one another and yet we met each other during that magical time of day I just mentioned, and we spent the whole night speaking to one another like old friends.”
