Page 11 of Love Beyond Wanting
Dillon’s expression was unlike any I’d ever seen on him, but he kept himself collected in the restaurant as I approached him.
“You lied.”
“I know.Why don’t we walk back to your apartment?We need to talk.”
Chapter 6
“No.”
It was the first and only word he’d said to me since reaching his place.The moment we walked through the doors of his townhome, I spilled my guts to him, trying to end things as quickly as possible so that I could retreat and do my best to never think about the entire situation again.
I stared back at him incredulously.I was sobbing.My face was red.My voice was shaking.I felt sick with every word.He was sitting back on the couch with his arms crossed, his jaw tight, looking totally unreadable.
“What do you mean “no”?”
“I mean no.I don’t accept your breakup.”He stood and threw his hands up in exasperation.“This is crazy, Kate.Things were fine just a few days ago.”
I couldn’t argue with that.I’d been doing such a fantastic job of ignoring my feelings about everything that I couldn’t say one way or another whether things had been good.They certainly hadn’t been bad, but did that necessarily mean they were good?
“Were they?”
He stared at me as if I’d just sprouted another head.
“Yes, Kate.Things were good.You were thinking about moving in with me.We saw each other almost every day.Your mother loves me.”
“My mother doesn’t know you.”
He stopped storming around the room and crossed his arms as he glared at me.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Kate?That if she did know me, she wouldn’t like me?Like you don’t like me all of a sudden?”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all.I just mean that the two of you have spent very little time together, is all.And I do like you.I just…” I hesitated, unsure if I should finish with the first thing that popped in my mind.It was thoughtless and hurtful, but deep down I knew it was true.“I don’t want you.”
Something flickered in his eyes, and he looked like he’d been punched in the gut.Tears welled up in my own eyes again.It wasn’t fair for me to be so upset, but I hated hurting him.
“You don’t mean that.There’s never been anything that you’ve ever said or done that fits with that story.”
“Dillon.”I reached for his hand and pulled him down to the sofa.“Since the fire…I don’t think I’ve stopped long enough to let myself think about what I want.Some things have happened recently that made me stop and reflect on everything, and I just don’t believe that what we have is enough.”
“What things?”The muscles in his jaw were bulging now.He was angry, and he didn’t want me to see just how much.
“It doesn’t matter.”
He exploded off the couch and began pacing the room.
“For Christ’s sake, Kate, you owe me more of an explanation than this.I was going to marry you.You were it for me.Babe…” He suddenly dropped to his knees and buried his head in my lap.“I love you.You can’t just end this and walk out like the last year didn’t happen.”
With a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face, I pushed him away and stood.“I love you too, but I don’t think either one of us loves the other like we should.There’s no passion here; we’re not crazy about each other.”
He huffed and shook his head in dismissal.“Give me a break, Kate.Shit like that means nothing.This makes sense.”He motioned between us.“We make sense.”
He reached for me again, but I stepped away.
“I’m sorry, Dillon.The last thing I ever want to do is look back on my life and sayit made sense.I want so much more than that.”
My back was toward him as I reached the door, and he let out one low and angry chuckle.
“Good luck with that, Kate.Do you really think men will be knocking down your door now?Maybe a few years ago they would have, but not anymore.You’re too damaged.You’ve got way more baggage than anybody’s going to want to deal with.”
