Page 38 of Love Beyond Wanting
“I broke up with Dillon several weeks before we left for Scotland.Mom convinced him to fly out to Cagair Castle to try and get me back.”
Laurel covered her face with her hands.“Oh my gosh, Kate.I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged.“It shouldn’t have surprised me.”
“Maybe not.It’s still not okay.”She paused and bit down on her lower lip nervously.
I could tell right away there was something else she wanted to say.“What is it, Laurel?”
“I’m surprised you broke up with Dillon.”
I was still kind of surprised myself.“Why?”
She hesitated and crawled off the bed so she could stand and look down at me while she spoke.“Look.I don’t want you to take this the wrong way.I love you, and I swear, I’m not trying to be like Mom, but sometimes it’s hard for us to see things when we’re in the middle of them.”
I exhaled and waved her on with my hand as I prepped for unwanted feelings.“Just get on with it, Laurel.”
“Dillon didn’t challenge you.It was easy with him.You’ve had so much to deal with since the fire, so it’s not as if I blame you, but you do like to take the easy route now.”
“Easy?”I exploded off the bed, and Laurel stepped quickly away.“I’ve done nothing but work my ass off since the fire.I’ve spent every single day trying to learn how to live with this.”I pointed to my missing arm.
Laurel looked at me sympathetically, keeping her calm despite my sudden anger.“I know that.When it comes to your health, your mobility, your independence—your determination has been astounding.You know that’s not what I meant.I meant that when it comes to dealing with the tough stuff—your emotions—you’ve become a pro at checking out.Dillon made it easy for you to do that.”
I knew she was right.It didn’t make it any easier to hear—even if it was coming from the one person I knew I could be honest with.
“Laurel.”I started to cry as she moved toward me and wrapped me up in her arms.“I don’t know if I can handle it.I’m so scared that I’m not strong enough.”
She gently kissed the top of my head as she stroked my hair.“Strong enough for what, Kate?”
“To feel anything again.To stop distracting myself with everyone else’s problems.If I feelanything, I have to feeleverything.I’m still so angry about what happened.I don’t want to feel that.I’m afraid that anger will eat me up if I let myself feel it.I don’t want to think about how heartbroken I was when I woke up.I don’t want to feel that way again.Right now I have a wall up, but each day it’s crumbling a little more.If it falls and I can’t keep the feelings at bay anymore, I’m not sure I can come out the other side of that.”
She squeezed me even tighter and then pulled away to hold me at arm’s length.
“You are the strongest person I know.You put up that wall to help you survive, but your life is no longer at risk.What you feel can’t kill you, Kate.Those emotions, when you decide to let them in, will make you stronger than you ever thought you could be.And whoever said the whole dam has to break at once?When you see an opening to try, just try a little.And when you survive that feeling, the next one will be a little bit easier.”
“Just try, huh?”
She smiled and let go of my arms.“Yes, Kate.Just try.”
Chapter 24
He tried to leave it, to do as Nicol ordered, but he couldn’t get Brachan off his mind.If Nicol had known what Maddock had been trying to tell him, he wouldn’t have been so insistent that they wait until after the wedding to address it.Nicol would want to know.Heneededto know.
As the sun set behind the castle, Maddock knew there was only one place that Nicol was likely to be—in the withered, long-forgotten garden with Freya.Killed and cursed by Machara, the spirit of their Master’s wife now roamed the castle gardens at night, and each evening Nicol walked down to spend the evening with her.
Maddock heard voices the moment he reached the garden, but Nicol’s wasn’t among them.Instead he heard Freya, her melodic tone welcoming and warm, laughing as she spoke to Marcus, Laurel’s best friend and the newest member of The Eight.
Maddock spoke the moment he could see them, sitting on the edge of a long-since dried up fountain talking like old friends.
“Ye are not the one I expected to find here, Marcus.Where is Nicol?”
Marcus pointed to the walls of glass on the castle’s highest corner—the location of Nicol’s bedchamber.
“Sleeping.He woke early so he could greet you and Kate, so I told him that if he needed more rest, that I would come down and visit with Freya for awhile.”
Freya smiled at him, but shook her head.“Not that I’m not pleased to have ye here, Marcus, but ’tisn’t necessary.I truly doona need to have someone with me every moment that I am here.”She paused and patted the stone next to her.“Come and join us, Maddock.Tell me all about yer journey to collect our newest resident.”
Maddock did as Freya asked and dove into an explanation of much that had occurred over the past few days—the wonders of seeing a small part of the twenty-first century, the hard journey, and Kate’s illness—although his mind was elsewhere as he spoke.When he finished, he realized he couldn’t recall much of what he’d said.
