Page 26 of Love Beyond Wanting
Now, I just needed to deal with my mother.
Imade sure to knock on the door this time.I was quite certain I would never open another closed door again without knocking.When my mother opened the door, she was already dressed, with her hair perfectly curled and her bangs pinned back so she could apply her makeup.She smiled guiltily and laughed.
“I’m sure that was quite a shock for you.I really am sorry.That’s not at all how either of us wanted you to find out.”
“I cannot freaking believe you.I’m not sure I’ve ever been so angry at you in my whole life.”
Her expression immediately changed from one of sorry-not-sorry to confusion.She crossed her arms defensively.
“Look, Kate.I can understand you being a little taken aback, but you have no right to be angry about this.David and I are both grown.It’s our business if we decide to spend time with one another.”
I shook my head at the irony.“You think I’m angry about David?”
She nodded and I sighed in exasperation.“You really don’t have any idea how hypocritical you are, do you, Mom?Of course, I’m not angry about David.I love David.Do I wish I hadn’t walked in on the two of you naked?Definitely.But I think you’re lucky to have him.David’s great.What I’m angry about is why you can so easily see the need for you to have some privacy when it comes to your love life, but you don’t see any need to give your daughters the same courtesy.”
She let out a loud breath and uncrossed her arms as she nodded knowingly.“You mean Dillon.”
“Of course, I mean Dillon.He showed up here this morning, thanks to you.”
“Darling…”
I cut her off by screaming.I hated it when she called me darling.
“No!Don’t call me darling.This is not okay.Not at all.Do you know what upsets me the most?I don’t blame you for liking Dillon.But this wasn’t about you and your opinion of him.You don’t trust my judgment.You don’t trust me to make my own decisions.”
She walked past me to sit on the edge of the bed.“I haven’t always felt that way, Kate.I used to trust you completely.”
I clenched my teeth together in preparation for what I knew was coming.She’d never said the words out loud before, but I’d felt them in so many of her actions.“Oh yeah?And what happened to make you lose that trust?”
“Sweetheart, it’s not your fault.But you know as well as I do that you haven’t been yourself since the fire.I don’t know how you can be sure of any decision that you make until you get back to being yourself.”
There it was.The exact thing I always suspected she believed.That the person I was before would someday come back—and that she liked that version of me a whole lot more.
I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry with her.It just made me feel sad and wholly inadequate.I could never give her what she wanted.
“Mom, I am myself.My new self.That old me that you used to know—I’m not hiding her anywhere.She just simply doesn’t exist anymore.I’ve changed, and frankly, I like who I am now.I know I still have things I need to work on, but doesn’t everyone?Do you really think you’d be able to go through what I did and come out on the other side exactly the same as you are now?”
When she said nothing, I continued.“I like the person I am today.I just wish you did, too.”
I turned away and walked toward the door.
“Kate…where are you going?”
“Away from you.I need time alone.I’m going to speak to Maddock and see if we can leave tomorrow instead of today.I’m too angry with you right now to ride next to you all day.”
She tried to say something as I walked away, but I was in no mood to stop and listen.
Chapter 16
Iwent back to my room after leaving my mom and took some time to shower and clean myself up—I was still in my pajamas, after all—before knocking on the door that led to Maddock’s room from inside our connected bathroom.
When he answered, he was still in his robe.Half of his face was red as if he’d been laying on it, and his hair was smooshed to one side.Clearly, he’d been sleeping.He looked so stinking adorable that I couldn’t help but smile, despite my guilt over waking him.
“I’m sorry.Were you sleeping?”
He smiled and nodded.“I was, but I suppose ’tis time we leave, aye?”
“About that…do you think it would be okay if we waited until tomorrow?I think everyone could use one more day of rest before heading out on such a long journey.”
