Page 25 of Love Beyond Wanting
As Maddock’s tongue flickered into my mouth—a testing, teasing gesture that invited me to play with him—I responded in kind.
He kissed me for longer than was necessary—I heard Dillon turn around and head back up the stairs shortly after he saw the two of us—but I made no effort to pull away.My body was too alive, my mind too sludgy to do anything other than surrender to how good it felt to kiss him.
He was lost in it, too.He held me so close against him, I could feel the need balled up tight throughout every muscle in his body.His breath was shaky and rough, his lips heavy and urgent.It was only once his hands began to roam up and down my body that he seemed to remember what he was doing and why.When he finally did pull away, he looked as swept up as I felt.
He glanced around the room uncomfortably.“I….”He let out a shaky breath and gave me a gentle smile.“I think it worked, lass.He’s gone.Best ye go to him.Tell him whatever will make him see that ye meant every word ye said to him before.If ye need to use me, I’ll go along with whatever ye tell him.”
If not for the support of the kitchen island behind me, I would’ve fallen over when he stepped away.I turned to my right to see Sydney gaping at us with her mouth and eyes wide open.
Unsure of what to say to any of them, I simply nodded in acknowledgment of Maddock’s suggestion and awkwardly scooted past a perplexed-looking Callum on the stairs as I made my way up to find Dillon.
I didn’t have to look far.He was sitting on the grand entrance stairway, with his face in his hands as I approached.
He glanced up and looked at me with weary eyes.“Is he the reason you ended things?”He lifted his head and pointed toward the kitchen.“Is that why you came to Scotland?”
“What?”I shook my head as I moved to sit next to him.“Of course it’s not.Do you really think I’d cheat on you?”
He sighed and shifted so that he faced me.“No, I don’t.How long have you known him?”
I glanced over at the grandfather clock near the entryway.“All of nine hours.”
He shook his head in disbelief.“I guess I deserve this.”He reached out to grab my hand as tears filled his eyes.“I’m so, so sorry, Kate.I haven’t been able to eat, haven’t been able to sleep since you left my place that night.You have to know…I didn’t mean it.What I said…”
He paused and let out a loud sob that startled me so much I jumped.I’d never seen him cry before.
He bent until his head was all the way in my lap, and he cried as he spoke.“I truly didn’t mean it.Please, Kate.Please forgive me.I can’t live with myself knowing I said something so cruel to you.Knowing that you think I truly believe that.Of course, he wants you.God, any man with half a brain cell would want you.I was just hurt, Kate.Really, really hurt.”
I believed him.Even though his words hurt me so much in that moment, none of them had sounded like him.And there was no way this apology was disingenuous.
Giving him a gentle push with my hand, I waited until he raised his head from my lap.“I know that, Dillon.I forgive you.But it doesn’t change anything.”
He nodded sadly.“I know.”
I dropped my hand and tilted my head in confusion.“Then what are you doing here?Why come all this way?”
He smiled for the first time.“Well, I couldn’t really tell you how sorry I was, could I?You would never answer your phone.I’ll admit that when your mother first called me, I thought maybe I had a chance.She seemed to think I did, but after several weeks of my calls being sent to your voicemail, I knew my chances were slim.I still needed to say I was sorry.”
Once again, my tendency to avoid had caused problems.If only I’d answered the phone, I could’ve heard his apology and kept him from flying halfway across the world.
“I’m sorry I made you come all the way here to tell me that.”
He shook his head and stood, offering me his hand so he could help pull me up.“I’m not.”
“Really?Why not?”
“I didn’t like seeing you kissing another man.I can’t deny that, but watching that kiss made me realize something—you never, not once, kissed me the way you kissed him.”
I jerked uncomfortably as I looked up at him.“I didn’t kiss him anyway, Dillon.He kissed me.”
He smiled and looked at me beneath his brows.“Come on, Kate.That was a kiss.A real kiss.It doesn’t matter who kissed whom.That doesn’t have anything to do with it.I only meant that I realized two things in that moment.One—I’m not the man for you.You need someone that can bring about that much abandon in you.Two—maybe that’s something I want for myself.Maybe I want someone who wants me as much as you seemed to want his kiss.”
His insight hit a little too close to home for me, but I didn’t have the energy to analyze precisely why.Instead, I just leaned in to wrap my arm around him in a hug.
“You deserve that, Dillon.I hope you find it very soon.”
He kissed the top of my head before stepping away.“Me too, Kate.Take care of yourself, okay?”
I walked him to his car, and as I watched him pull away from Cagair Castle, I felt free of a burden I hadn’t known I’d been carrying.
