Page 22 of Our Moon
“If it’s any consolation, you were really happy, Al.”
This gets my attention. “What do you mean?”
“Near the end of senior year, you were really happy. I’m not sure I had ever seen you so happy. After everything happened with Blake, you were in a pretty dark place. The rest of junior year was pretty bad for you. I mean nobody talked smack about it because they knew Alex would have gone ape shit, but you were really sad. By the end of senior year, it was like you did a complete one-eighty. You were happy, glowing even.”
I ponder that for a minute. Is it possible that just spending time with the band made that big a difference in my life? I have fun with them now, I imagine back when I actually knew them I had even more fun. But there’s no way I can answer that question now. It makes me think of Chase again, he makes me happy. Really happy. Do I glow? Am I glowing?
“Can I throw in my two cents?” Lucy asks, interrupting my musings.
“Please, I’m driving myself crazy here. I could use some insight that isn’t from one of the chapters of ‘Life According to Alex.’”
Lucy laughs. “You poor thing. I know you don’t really know me anymore, but if you ever need some girl talk, please promise you’ll call me. Hanging out with all that testosterone can’t be healthy.”
“I will, thanks, Lucy.” It would do me good to have another girl friend besides Evie, and Lucy seems like the perfect candidate, even if it is long distance.
“You’re welcome. But now for my two cents. You were really happy, Al. I can tell you’re pretty much ready to brush that off, but my advice is not to. Whether it was somethingor someone, I think you owe it to yourself to figure out what it was. Maybe there’s a reason it isn’t present in your life right now, or maybe it’s present and you just don’t realize it.” I immediately think of Chase. I’m not sure why, other than the fact that I can’t seem tonotthink about him. And because he makes me happy. Would discovering someone in my past rock that boat?
“I’ve pretty much exhausted my resources for memories. I’m not really sure where else to go to for information.” I take a frustrated spin in the office chair, curling myself up in the stupid phone cord in the process. Why theheck does this phone have a cord anyway? Doesn’t everyone have cordless phones? Or cell phones?
“What about the band?” she offers. “That’s who you spent most of your time with. Surely they would have picked up on something.”
“But wouldn’t Trevor or Alex have told me by now?” Although they did neglect to tell me I had a boyfriend at first.
“Not necessarily. Not if they weren’t specifically trying to recall it. I mean, if you were hiding something from me, chances are you were hiding it from them even more.” She’s got a point.
“So what good would talking to them do?” I press, getting frustrated with the whole situation.
“Tell them specifically what you’re looking for, see if they remember anything slight or suspicious. Ask all the guys, maybe Joey or Chase caught something. It won’t hurt to ask,” she reminds me. I could ask Chase. He said I could talk to him about anything. But my little research project has the potential to hurt whatever it is Chase and me are building. What if I did have a boyfriend before the accident? And what if thereisa valid reason he is currently absent?
“Or it could open up a can of worms,” I groan.
“Why do you say that?” she asks.
“What if it throws a complete curveball into my life? What if it’s something bad?
“That wasn’t you, Al. You didn’t have it in you to get involved in something bad. There’s no way you could have hidden something bad anyway. You’re way too transparent, and you would have had guilt written all over your face. Plus, like I said, you were happy. Not nervous or worried, and if you were hiding something negative, I’m sure you would have been jittery as hell. It might throw a curveball, I’m sure any memory or revelation would at this point, but I don’t think it was something negative.”
Well, that’s a relief, I guess. At leastsheseems confident.
“Seriously, thanks, Lucy. I know this call was unexpected and now I’ve taken up a big chunk of your time. I really appreciate that you’ve talked to me.”
“I’m glad we had the chance to talk. I’ve missed you a lot, Ally.”
“I’m glad we spoke, too. Can we talk again soon?” I add. I can’t say that I miss her, for obvious reasons, but I’m being honest when I say I’d like to talk to her again.
“Definitely, you don’t even have to ask. Call me again soon, or text me. This is my cell. Especially if you figure anything out.”
“I will,” I promise. “Bye Lucy.”
“Bye, Ally.”
I hang up the phone and spin around in the desk chair a few more times as I think. What could I have been hiding? Lucy said I was transparent, so how could I have gotten away with hiding something in the first place? Especially if it was some kind of relationship. But then again, I’m hiding whatever it is between me and Chase now. Even though it’s almost completely innocent at this point, except for that kiss. Maybe I’m better at hiding things than everyone thinks.
It just doesn’t make sense. But she’s right, if anyone would know anything, it’s the band. They had to have unknowingly seen or heard something. I could ask Chase, but I don’t know how he’d react to hearing that I might have been in a relationship before the accident. Where would that leave us now? I don’t remember this other person I may or may not have been with, but I absolutely remember my recent times with Chase.
Every moment I spend with him is more amazing than the last. I really would like to see how things play out with him, but is that fair? What if we start something and I regain my memories of someone else? Is it appropriate for me to start something with Chase without disclosing my concerns about what may or may not have happened the year before the accident?
Lucy is right, I might find answers with the band. But I know I have to talk to Chase first. I have to be completely honest with him if I want a relationship to develop, and I can’t blindside him in front of all the other guys. I need to get him alone.
