Page 66 of Say Something
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My breath came out in short little gasps as the tightness in my chest took over. Pressure built up behind my eyes as they began to sting.
Da-da.
Danny had a child. He had achild,and he never said a word.
I watched as he continued to embrace the little girl, spinning her in those circles. It was as if they were in their own little world, smiling at one another and laughing. A world I wasn’t privy to.
I’d seen enough.
I turned my back before the first tear fell. I wasn’t going to cause myself anymore pain by continuing to watch the two of them together.
I’d come so far...too far.
We were going to get married. How could he have not told me?
As I walked to my car on the other side of the lot, I wondered how I was going to survive losing Danny a second time. The first time was terrible, but he’d moved out. He left, and I didn’t have to see him on a regular basis. The city was big enough to allow you to live in the same place as an ex and never run into him. This time it was different. This wasOak River. We couldn’t coexist in Oak River and not run into each other.
Did he think I would never find out? That he could keep it from me? What was he thinking?
He was never the problem, the evil little voice said, reminding me that I was the reason he and I couldn’t have children.
Damn it. I’d worked so hard to keep her quiet.Don’t let her get to you, Jess.
I continued to stomp my way to my car, feeling the pressure deepening in my chest and my head and knowing the dam was about to burst.
Stupid emotions. Moments like this made me long for the days of feeling nothing at all.
I unlocked my convertible and slid inside just as the first tear fell.
Drop.
I buckled my seatbelt and started the engine.
Drop.
Checked the mirrors.
Drop.
Reverse gear.
Drop.
I backed out of my parking space, put the car in drive, and tried like hell not to peel out of the parking lot. I failed.
Drop.
I pressed the button on my steering wheel to activate the Bluetooth connection to my phone. “Call Dr. Todd,” I spoke into the silence.
The phone line rang four times before his voicemail picked up. I disconnected the call. What the hell had I been planning to say anyway?
Hi Dr. Todd, it’s been a few months since we’ve spoken and, even though I last told you I was doing great, I’m still pretty screwed up! I saw my ex-husband-slash-current-fiancé with his daughter and completely lost my shit.
I laughed out loud at myself.Grow a backbone, Jessica.You can’t go crawling back to your shrink whenever something doesn’t go your way.
But wasn’t it completely legitimate for me to feelsomethingabout this situation? He was keeping the fact that he had achildfrom me. He’s the one who was dishonest, not me. Regardless of our past, I had every right to be upset with him because of ourpresent. We were trying to build something…have a fresh start. I kept nothing from him. Nothing at all. And he hid this.
