Page 51 of Right Place, Right Time (Second Chances)
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“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I ask Jay later that night. We’d just made love, and I’m lying across his body while he runs his fingers through my hair.
“I’d love to open my own repair shop.”
“Cars or bikes?”
“Either. Both. I don’t know. I love bikes, but if I did cars, too, I’d have a larger market. Sean’s got a motorcycle shop back home, and I bet he’d help me get one started somewhere.”
“You’d be so good at it,” I tell him through a yawn.
“What about you?” he asks me.
“You already know,” I tell him.
“Teaching?” he asks.
I smile, pleased he remembers the conversation. “Yeah.”
“So why not just go for it.”
“I can’t, Jay.” We’d already talked about this, too.
“Because of your parents,” he says flatly.
“They don’t support that choice for me.”
“But it’s your choice,” he argues.
I sigh. How do I make him understand? “Excelling at my studies is the only thing that’s ever seemed to please my parents. It’s the only thing that’s ever even gotten me on their radar. If I go against their wishes…then what do I have?”
The room is silent as Jay processes what I’ve said. He probably thought the only thing holding me back was the funding. Sure, the financial support from my parents plays a huge role in my life. They pay for my education, my housing, and my car. They even give me an allowance for living expenses. I don’t use all of it. Only what I need to survive. I’m not one of those college kids with the rich parents who blow through every dime their parents give them. I’m frugal. I work when I don’t have to just so I can have my own money, separate from theirs, to do things I know they wouldn’t approve of—like buying DVD players in the bad part of town or getting a tattoo.
So yeah, if I switched majors and decided to pursue a career in education, my parents would pull my funding. They wouldn’t pay for college or housing. I’d get no allowance. They may let me keep my car, or they may take it away out of disappointment and spite. It would be difficult to start over, but not impossible. I could do it without their money…I could get loans and work. I wouldn’t have to complete a full four years of college since I’ve already completed most of my gen. ed. requirements, so I wouldn’t have to fully finance a degree. Hell, with my grades I could probably even get some scholarships. The possibilities were endless.
But if I did that, I’d lose what very little connection I have left with my parents. Their occasional visits when they’re on the west coast for conferences or the rare phone call when I’ve done something to catch their attention. Even though they’re usually harping on me for something negative or irrational, it’s still attention. Without that, I wouldn’t even be a blip on their radar. I guess part of me will always be that little girl seeking her parents’ approval.
“How often do you see your mom and dad?”
“Maybe once or twice a year,” I admit sadly.
“Talk to them?”
“Every couple months.”If that, I think to myself.
Jay lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. “So how different would it really be?”
I roll off of him and sit up, tucking the sheet around me. “What are you saying?”
He sits up beside me and takes my hands in his. “I don’t know. Probably nothing worth paying attention to…but this is the rest of your life you’re talking about. You’re not happy in med school. Sure, you can do it. You’re a genius, you can do whatever you want to do. But if you’re not happy…God, Kate. You need to do what makes you happy, or you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life. I don’t want you to be miserable. You’ve got this light about you. I think I’d die if it ever went out.”
