Page 111 of Angel's Flight
“I can’t run anymore!”Christine’s voice echoed against the empty walls of the manor.“I’m tired and I’m not like you.I need a home.”
“What happened to being each other’s home?”Erik countered, his voice brittle and bitter.It was a cruel thing to say, but it was necessary.He had to convince her to let him go.
“Saying that and living it are different things,” Christine said softly and sadly, reaching for him.“It can be true, if we choose a place to stay.It doesn’t have to be here!We can go back to London and our friends.”
“You want it to be here so you can help people you’ve never known,” he sneered, pulling away from her touch.Her face hardened with resolve.
“Because I have to be something of use to the world!”Christine protested, voice breaking.“I have given up everything I wanted to walk this path with you!I did it with joy because I love you, but I need more than just that in my life.”
“And you suddenly think saving a dying town that would throw you to the wolves if it suited them will give you purpose?”Erik scoffed, digging his nails into his palms with the effort of being so callous in the face of her dreams.“You’ve known this village for half a day.There are other places in the world to worry about.”
“Then pick one!We’ll go there and leave everyone else to rot!”Christine cast a look to the carriage house where their goddamn hostage waited.
“I thought you wanted to pay her off,” Erik countered, as cruel as he could bear to make himself sound.
“I want to do whatever it takes to live,” Christine whimpered.There were tears in her eyes already and Erik hated them.Hated that he needed her to cry them.“I want to really live.”
There it was: the ultimate truth he could not escape.The one thing he could never give her.He had started this by telling her yes, by surrendering to her light and going with her, but it was so hard and he was so weak and so broken.
“Then you should not have married a thing made of death,” Erik whispered back.
“What did I do wrong?”Christine asked now, her voice small and contrite.“All day you’ve been insisting on madness.Did I go too far last night or ask too much?I can’t reach you and—”
“You did nothing wrong.That’s the whole problem.You’re good and you deserve a home, like you want.You shouldn’t have to reach me,” Erik sighed.“You shouldn’t have to repair me or punish me.You shouldn’t have to lower yourself—”
“Will you stop deciding what I want or need!”Christine yelled with a force that echoed off the walls of the manor into the dark of the night, shocking Erik into mollified silence as he stared at her.There was true fire in her eyes, righteous and dazzling.
“I am my own person.I chose you.I chose this.Marriage is about continuing to choose one another day after day.I choose you right now.Can’t you do the same?”
A choice, once again.One he had made before and rejoiced in.One he had to make again...for love.
“I want to,” Erik replied, voice rough now.“I want to, I do; but I don’t know if I can.Or if I can, I don’t know if I can do it right or be enough.I don’t know how.I can’t bear to rest.I don’t know why.”
“Then let me help,” Christine said, taking his hand, and at last, he let her.He felt the ice he had fortified around his heart the whole day melt away the moment she touched him.“People can’t heal when they’re running, and both of us need to.”
It was as if a thorn had been deep within a wound that she had plucked out.Erik understood, finally, not only what she needed to be happy and whole, but the work he had to do to feel the same and help her heal too.He had to stop.He had to stay.
“I’m afraid I’ll fail again,” he lamented aloud.“If I choose a home, I’ll just lose it.Even this miserable place could be somewhere you learn to love, and what if I’m the reason you must flee?”
“We don’t know that disaster will strike.We have to have hope and bravery,” Christine answered, pulling closer.“Whatever we do, we do it together.That’s the point.”
Erik stared at her, at a loss.She was so perfect, so good, and he was tired of thinking constantly that he didn’t deserve her.He wanted her and to be with her more than anything, even if it was wrong.He wanted to make her happy, and he couldn’t do that by running.He couldn’t fly from her and he couldn’t fly with her forever.He had to come down to the earth, but what if he fell?What if he failed?
Maybe she was worth the risk.Maybe his penance lay somewhere else than in his pain.Maybe it was in the work of living.
“I want to.But I have to...”Erik swallowed.He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff.“I have to help too.I have to solve problems, not just cause them.”
“Alright,” Christine replied slowly.“What does that mean?”
Erik turned and strode towards the carriage house.Moving before his resolve could fail.“I’m going to end this chase.Once and for all.”
