Page 90 of Angel's Mask
“Christine I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Raoul entreated. “I came here to win you, not upset you. Though I am glad to know thisotheris just a teacher. I had worried that he was my rival for your heart.”
“You didn’t mean to,” Christine whispered, steadying her breath. She looked again on the boy she had played with and adored in the summer sun by the sea, under her father’s watchful eyes, and wished for nothing more than to go back to those bright, simple days. “And you needn’t concern yourself with him now.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Can I make my offence up to you anyway?” Raoul offered, desperate as a puppy. “Let me take you to supper! You can tell me all about your adventures at the Opera, and I can tell you about what a great diva you will be, then bore you with tales of a sailor’s life.”
“I can’t – not today,” Christine answered, trying to sound demure or coy and not like she was unsure if she would even be in Paris or the land of the living when night fell.
“Tomorrow then?”
Christine caught his eye, and his expression grew considerably more serious, perhaps almost hurt. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know when I will be free. You shouldn’t wait for me.”
“Christine, please, don’t go away again.” Raoul caught her hand as she moved to leave the carriage, pulling her close to him again. He stared into her eyes, desperate and entreating and Christine caught her breath. And just as Erik had, he leaned close to claim her lips.
What would Erik do to them if Raoul kissed her?
“I can’t,” Christine exclaimed, pulling away before she could be kissed. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
She rushed from the carriage, down theRue Auber, only stopping when she reached the greatPlace De L’Opéra. She turned to look up at the great edifice that stood above the huge crossroads.
Three months ago, she had come here in the rain, and now she stood in the same spot as snow began to fall around her. Three months ago, she had looked for an angel, and a man that lived as a ghost had found her instead. Now, he waited for her in the dark below Charles Garnier’s grand façade.
Was it not madness to return? Yet, how could she stay away? Without him, she faced a life devoid of hope, where music would never sound again. She would never learn how he had done such strange and wondrous things. There was so much magic that had been so real, couldn’t there be a spark of it left? If she left him, was she turning away from the miracle she had wanted? If she ran away now, what would it do to him?
The image that had come to her again and again all day swam into her mind. Not the horror of a monster’s face, but the tragedy of Erik, the man, broken and weeping and singing to himself like a frightened child in the dark. How could she see such suffering and make it worse? But how could she commit her own soul to the darkness and dangers of his kingdom? How could she return to him, knowing what sins and desires would surely await?
She stood at the crossroads of the world and tried to breathe.
––––––––
Raoul watched the buildingsand people roll by as his carriage ambled home, unable to understand what had just transpired. For a few minutes, all his dreams had been realized. Not only had Christine been safe but she had remembered him and cared for him still. Her lover was not a lover at all but a teacher, one who did not seem to be in her good graces at that. He’d held her. Touched her. And then once again, she had left him with more questions than answers.
Raoul looked at the sky and then the few people out and about on the boulevards. They were bundled up for the cold. Christine had looked strange and so very sad. Even when she’d smiled, there had been pain behind it.
“Home so soon?” Philippe called from the parlor when Raoul entered their manor. “Did you find her or give up?”
“I found her,” Raoul replied, and Philippe gave him a pitying sigh, reading his face.
“I told you, my brother, she would break your heart.”
“I do not think it is her will to do that,” Raoul said darkly. There were still too many questions. Her disappearance. That strange foreigner who had been pursuing her, then harassing her in the street. The angelic voice that demanded Christine love him. The one she had told Raoul not to concern himself over. But he was concerned. In fact, the whole conversation about angels and her music and been so strange.
“What do you mean?” Philippe asked.
“I mean that there is something important that she is not telling me, and I intend to discover the secret,” Raoul replied. “At any cost.”
––––––––
Erik watched as thebluish twilight faded beyond the gate and his hope ebbed with it. She had to come back, he told himself. He could offer her what no one else could: answers, music, hope. But she had seen his face. She knew how he had betrayed and used her. Why would she want him at all? But she needed him, didn’t she? The same way he needed her. He wanted her in his lonely life so desperately that he was prepared to take anything she offered, like a beggar or desperate addict. She had said there was hope. Had he done enough to earn her return?
“Please, come back. Let her come back.” He didn’t know to whom he prayed, but he meant it with his whole soul. A damned soul had no right to a petition, he knew that, but he made it anyway.
The light grew dimmer and he remained alone in the dark at the edge of his underworld. He closed his eyes and took a shaking breath. He didn’t want to see that last light fade along with the last of his hope.
She wasn’t coming. And now he had to decide if he would become a monster and claim her from wherever she had run to, or if it was time to truly join the ghosts. He did not think it would hurt this much, he mused, but he felt like his heart was genuinely shattering in his chest. It was almost impossible to breathe.
The clanging of the gate echoed through the dark and for a second, he was sure it was a dream. His eyes flew open to seehersilhouetted against the last breath of twilight.
Christine stood at the threshold of the living world, still wearing the cloak he had given her, the hood pulled over her head. He could not make out the expression on her face as she walked through the dark stable towards him but it didn’t matter. She was here.
