Page 105 of Manhattan Secret
That beautiful blue-eyed boy truly does hold grudges and though it cements it for him not wanting to see me again, I feel a surge of love for what he did to protect me.
We drink coffee, share a few words, she even laughs this one time.
But it’s an unspoken rule that we never mention Lachlan.
But the day she starts dating a guy from her college, I’m really happy for Riley.
Dating is not even on my radar, not while I’m still wholly, entirely in love with Lachlan. I’m sick to my stomach even imagining a pair of lips touching mine that aren’t Lachlan’s.
God, I miss him.
Does he miss me?
Do I pass through his mind at all?
And it’s the love that has me dreaming things long into the night, hoping and planning.
With my frightened heart wide open, I know there’s only one thing I can do to stop hurting so much.
To stop missing him so much.
C H A P T E R 28
Delaney
I think it takes a big person to admit to themselves when they’ve messed up so royally, that the only thing to look forward to anymore is buying croissants at the local delicatessen.
I don’t need the extra pounds that are slowly creeping on, making me do extra spin classes, so I have to address why I’m feeling the way I do, so I can find a solution.
This sedate life I worked so hard for isn’t working out.
Missing Lachlan isn’t working.
I’ve messed up.
My life, his life—our whole relationship, because I was terrified to take a chance on love having no guarantees it would last.
How is it I can see clarity now that I’m miserable?
At least if we’d done long-distance, I could have spoken to him ten times a day and visited every other month.
My girls have always said I’m an emotional hoarder.
I don’t let people into my feelings.
Every boyfriend has been easy to leave behind once we were over, and I didn’t know I was doing it, it’s not like it’s on purpose.
I seriously self-sabotage without realizing it until it’s too late.
I don’t know if I can fix it.
I just know … feel as if I can’t go on if I don’t try.
This is torture.
My heart and brain hurt.
Going through the motions of living isn’t working.
