Page 131 of Resurfaced Passion
Relief slammed hard into him.
Though the doctors told him she was stable and just as soon as her brain swelling reduced she would wake up, he hadn’t believed them—doctors lied, people lied, he trusted his own instincts and holding Paige’s hand hour after hour was the only thing keeping him going. “Baby, I missed you, don’t try to move, just lie still, you’re okay.”
“Judson… what…happened? Where am I?” With a catheter in the fine vein of her hand she raised it from the bed and Jud took hold of her delicate fingers immediately, bringing them to his mouth. “Why am I here? Did I have the baby?”
Oh, fucking hell. His heart squeezed until he felt like he could vomit.
For five days he’d concentrated solely on Paige, willing her back to life, using all his focus and sheer mental energy on her while he ignored his crushing grief.
Now it poured down over his head almost drowning him because for these few minutes she was oblivious to that pain and he wanted to protect her at all costs.
“Jud?” Sleepy, confused eyes looked up at him and nothing felt right on his tongue. What could he tell her to lessen the blow? Her hands crept down to her belly and that’s when her brow folded in. “Judson? Did I have the baby early?”
Sitting on the side of the bed he took both of her hands and squeezed her fingers gently. “I need you to be so brave, ladybug, because I have to tell you something.”
She visibly paled and he hated himself.
He hated her whole fucking family, but he hated himself most of all for not protecting those he cherished.
He’d known Sony was unhinged, why the fuck didn’t he take Paige far away from them?
She began to shake her head, her fingers clenched and trembled, her breathing increased making the monitor attached to her pulse start to beep. “Jud, don’t. Don’t say it. Please.” Her eyes filled to the brim; fat tears fell over her lashes. “Judson, no.”
“I’m so sorry, my love. So fucking sorry, our little one is gone.”
Her scream would stay with Jud until the day he took his last breath. It reached into his chest and fucking broke him open.
She was inconsolable. Her sobs were heart-breaking, they completely shredded his soul when he was unable to give her any peace and it brought nurses running into her room and no matter how tight he cuddled her, she couldn’t calm, so they gave her a strong sedative that put her to sleep.
He could only think it was a relief for her to be oblivious to pain for a while as he sagged into the chair by her bed and held her hand. Waiting.
He waited hours and hours and when she woke up for a second time, she blinked and asked, “Who are you?”
It was the single most crushing question of his life.
He was never the same.
Now
Paige Renner was never going to be someone he’d ever walk away from.
She’s the once in a lifetime kind of woman a man would kill to keep.
How true that was. Then and now.
He hated that saying.
Thinking in terms of before and after, fucking hated it more than ever but that was his reality.
He loved his wife and he loved his girlfriend.
He saw glimpses of his Paige from day one, the carefree daredevil, the girl who laughed and loved and cared for everyone, even people who didn’t deserve it. He saw glimpses of his wife every day and he fell so hard every fucking day for the girl who didn’t know him.
Crouching partway in the bathroom doorway, Reaper rested his hanging hands over his knees and turned his head to the left where Paige was sitting on the lone bathmat opposite the toilet. She’d been emptying her stomach for five minutes, she’d pushed him away, refusing his help when he tried to cradle her up. It hurt more than anything else.
Now there was just silence between them.
Paige glancing over now and then like she didn’t recognize him all over again.
