Page 74 of Falling Stars

I dry my suddenly sweaty palms against my jeans. “Get Leo. This is for him too.”

She pulls him out of his basket, and I take her hand and lead her to the closed door down the hall. “Remember how I said this was going to be an office? Change of plans.” I swing open the door. “Now it can be Leo’s nursery.”

As she looks around, her eyes widen, then fill with tears. “Oh my God, Mav. This is too much.”

She burrows her head against my chest, and I hug her and Leo to me. “Our dude needs his own space so he can do tummy time and jump in his jumpy thing and work on his vertical leap and find his groove.”

“Find his groove?” She smiles, and I take Leo out of her arms.

“Yeah. Look, man.” I give him a tour. “Here’s your changing table for your atomic poops, a dresser for your cool outfits, a rocker for booby time with Mommy or maybe bottle service with Uncle Mav.” I glance back at Baylee, who has her hand pressed to her mouth like she’s in shock. Hopefully, it’s a good shock. “Here’s one of those Pack ’N Plays since yours got destroyed.” On and on I yammer away until I open the small closet. “And here’s one of those strollers with the car seat that pops out, so Mommy doesn’t have to lug you everywhere strapped to her chest. Unless she wants to, of course.”

Baylee starts full-on crying.

Damn. What did I screw up? I rub the back of my neck. “I can return whatever you don’t like or exchange it.”

She wipes her eyes. “I love everything. This is so perfect.”

I tug her to my chest again. “Then why are you crying?”

“Be-because we’ll get used to this beautiful nursery and then you’ll leave for New York. We can’t… we can’t stay here when you go.”

“Why not?”

The grief in her eyes breaks my heart. “Because I won’t take advantage of you, Mav. You were going to rent out this place, but you can’t do that if my son and I are squatting.”

I kiss her forehead and bounce Leo in my arms. “You won’t be squatting.” I shrug. “It’s not like I’ll never come back. I mean, I might not even get the thumbs-up to play. That’s the most likely scenario, honestly. The only reason I’m going to try is because you think I should.”

Tears spill over her lids. “I know you have a future in football. I’ve always known this, but I can’t do long distance, Mav. Trying to do that with Sean was really hard, and I don’t see how I’ll be able to stomach the thought of your female fans throwing themselves all over you. It makes me feral. I can’t even blame hormones for that. Seeing girls throw themselves at you has always upset me.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Baylee. I never meant to hurt you.”I’m a goddamn idiot.I blow out a breath and tug her to the rocking chair. With Leo on my shoulder, I pull Baylee onto my lap and pull her close until she’s nestled against my chest. I’m not sure if she’s saying she knows I have a future in football because she has one of those special feelings. I’m almost afraid to ask. “I don’t have to return,” I whisper in her ear. “The first doctor I saw already told me he didn’t think I should play again.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t be responsible for you losing your lifelong dream. If you have a shot, you should go for it.”

Rocking back and forth, I struggle to think of a solution. “But what if I just play for another year or two? Just enough so I don’t have such rotten stats.”

Her lower lip quivers. “What if you meet someone during that time?”

“I’m not going to meet anyone.”

“You don’t know for sure.”

My arm spasms, but I ignore it and hold her tighter. “You and I have waited a long time to make this happen, and I don’t want anything to get in our way.”

She takes a shuddering breath. “Last night, we agreed we shouldn’t make any decisions about us until we know whether you’ll be able to play again. I don’t know why I brought this up. We should just stick to the plan.”

Fuck that. “Or we date like normal people do, and if something changes, we’ll adjust course.” I kiss her forehead.

Her hand tightens in my t-shirt. “I hate this uncertainty. It’s eating me up.”

“Then don’t think about it. Take it day by day. Like when we’re training for a big game, I only think about that one opponent. This is the same. If we think about all the obstacles, it’ll be overwhelming. We only have a few weeks before we know for sure. We won’t talk about this, okay? Let’s just enjoy each other’s company. Enjoy watching Leo get big and strong. Enjoy our late-night slumber parties.”

After the longest moment of my life, she nods. “Okay.”

Do I want a career in the NFL, something I’ve worked toward since I was old enough to hold a football, or a relationship with Baylee?

I’ve never been so conflicted in my entire life.

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