Page 2 of Second Down Darling

After I plate two ham and cheese sandwiches and some steamed veggies for my sister, because God forbid she consume a carb, I wait for them to join me. My attention snags on the photos next to the flatscreen TV. Most are pics I took of Kota for her social media, but my favorite is the one of me, Jake, and my sister at our high school graduation last May. We’re wearing caps and gowns and smiling like loons. Towering over us, Jake has us wrapped in those big, strongarms.

My sister is super pregnant in that pic, but still so gorgeous. She has a natural charisma that’s hard tomiss.

Kota and I couldn’t be more different. Where she’s outgoing and fun, I’m quiet and shy. Where she’s adventurous and loves to party, I prefer to stay home and read a book. Where she loves being the center of attention, I’d rather blend in and not cause afuss.

Or as my mother tells everyone, I’m the wallflower and Kota’s the promqueen.

She’s notwrong.

My sister and I are only ten months apart, but she got held back when we were young because she got really sick for a while, which landed her in my grade. It’s been a blessing and acurse.

A blessing because despite my current heartache, I love my sister. I’d do anything for her. Almost losing Kota when we were young screwed us both up, and I’m not immune to the difficulties shefaced.

A cursebecause…

I look down the hall, my stomachclenching.

But then I remember how sick she was, how we almost lost her, and I feel like the lowest scum of theearth.

Doctors could never pinpoint what caused Kota to projectile-vomit and waste away. It was terrifying. All those machines and needles. The antiseptic smell of the hospital. The way my sister would cry so desperately when they came to drawblood.

Kota’s illness is what kicked off her reality showstardom.

It happened one day when a producer was trolling the pediatric ward, looking for astory.

Well, he foundone.

Who could resist a sick seven-year-old with a smile like hers? I’ll tell you—no one. Kota was an immediate sensation, even with an oxygen tube taped to her face and IVs hanging from her scrawny arms. The show,Little Darlings, which featured stories of sick kids but centered around my sister, smashed all kinds ofrecords.

Once she got healthy and landed on that other show,Winchester Prep High, she skyrocketed tosuperstardom.

I know what you’re thinking—I sound bitter. IknowI’m a terrible person. Because who begrudges their sister happiness and success after everything she’s beenthrough?

It’s just that sometimes, when I’m lying in bed at night and thinking about Jake, I wonder if my sister is as innocent as she claims tobe.

I’m grateful Kota is alive,I remind myself.I can deal with anything, even my dreadful case of comparisonitis. Her health is the only thing thatmatters.

I pick at my sandwich, wondering how long the argument willlast.

Glancing down the hall again, I’m about to ask if I should wait for them when I hear a giggle. “Stop, Jake, my sister is going to hear you and then she’ll know you’ve got a hugedick.”

My heart stops, then plummets to thefloor.

Jake’s low voice mumbles something in response, but I can’t make out what hesays.

Nor do I wantto.

I’m frozen for the next two seconds before I spring out of my chair, grab my backpack, and fly out the front door. But not before my sister wails, “Fuck me harder,baby!”

Jake texts me later that night. All it says is,Thanks for dinner. Sorry about… you know. It wasn’t what youthink.

Um,sure.

I’m so tortured by what I overheard, I can’t sleep or eat. It’s so pathetic, I want to bury myself in a deep hole and wallow inshame.

For the next few days, I can’t bring myself to go over there. I bail on babysitting twice, but make sure someone fills in so it doesn’t screw up Kota’s schedule. It’s not her fault I’m in love with herboyfriend.

Deep down, I know I can’t go on like this. I can’t deal with their sex life or references to Jake’s giant member or the fact he trips all over himself to do things for Kota, who acts like he owesher.

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