Page 49 of Breathless
The guilt of that night a few months ago slams into me again, and I freeze. Granted, my head tells me I shouldn’t feel guilty about it, but my heart has otherideas.
Twisting to the side, he tucks me beside him so that we’re facing each other, our faces inches apart, our legs twined together. With a tender touch, he threads his fingers through mine. “Jo, baby. I’m not sure what thatmeans.”
I swallow, hating,hatingthat I have to explainit.
After I left for Florida this winter, I never imagined having any kind of intimate conversation with Logan, so having this one fills me with dread. Rationally, I know it shouldn’t. It’s not like we were together. We’ve never been together. And it’s not like he was saving himself forme.
The idea of that, of him, waiting for me, is so preposterous I laugh awkwardly. Logan is the king of hookups. The thought propels me to answer hisquestion.
“I, uh, did try to have sex.” Here comes the awkward part. “Once.”
Apause.
“That guy you dated in high school? That Masonkid?”
I shake my head. “We never really dated. Not seriously. I didn’t lose my virginity in highschool.”
Now that my eyes have adjusted to the dark, I see his confusedexpression.
Sighing, I decide to let it out. “I had a friends-with-benefits situation in Florida, but it didn’t gowell.”
A low growl has me looking up, startled to hear it coming from Logan. “Hehurtyou?”
“No. No. Nothing like that. Well, not onpurpose.”
He scrubs his face with his palm with a pained groan. “Joey, what does thatmean?”
Frustration surges through me, but I want him to know the truth. My parents’ relationship crashed and burned because of their lies, and I want to start this on the right foot. Withhonesty.
“It means Itriedto have sex. It means it didn’t feel good. I didn’t enjoy it, so I made him stop.” How freaking horrifying. I hide my face in the pillow. “It means, I’m not a virgin.Technically. Because it went in. For, you know, like a minute ortwo.”
Kill me now. Throw me in a barrel of piranhas. It would be less painful than thismoment.
A long, strained silence fills the dark room before he pulls me back to his chest and tugs my thigh over his hips. “I’m not sure where to start with all of that.” His hand comes up to cup my jaw gently. “I hate that your first time wasn’t with someone who meant something to you.” I can feel his heart thundering in his chest. “I hate how I wanna find that shithead and kick his ass for not making it good for you. Which is dumb as fuck because the last thing I want is to think about you being with anyone but me.” He clears histhroat.
I’m too overcome to speak. To go so far as to tell him the reason I made myself sleep with Trent. That I was trying to get overhim.
“Come here.” Scooping me up, he lifts me until I’m resting on top of him. My head on his warm chest. My arms nestled between us. Our legs twistedtogether.
With a kiss to my forehead, he smooths his hands up and down my back. For the longest time, we lie there in our own little world for two, until the heartache from this past year starts to settle. And I realize what Iwant.
In Florida, I thought I needed to move on and get pastLogan.
But what I want is to move onwithhim.
My voice is hoarse when I look up and whisper the words. “Will you show me what to do? How to enjoy it?” Isniffle.
“Enjoy what,baby?”
“Sex.”
19
Logan
Although my headstruggles to make sense of her words, my body’s ramped up and ready for duty, all my blood heading south toward that raging hard-on already pressed against herhip.
Bottom line: Jojo’s killing me with one heartbreaking confession after thenext.
