Page 101 of Breathless

A horse snorts in his stall, and I debate how to bring this up, but Ethan beats me to thepunch.

“What’s on your mind? You’re obviously thinking big thoughts over there. Problems with Joey? Is she still considering going back toFlorida?”

I nod and tell him about the conversation I had with her thismorning.

“So what are you gonna do?” he asks when I’mdone.

“Not really sure. I was planning to write hernotes.”

His eyebrow lifts. “Notes?”

“Yeah.” I shrug, uncomfortable, but I’d like to get his thoughts. He and Tori went through a rough time after they first got together but managed to work things out. And Ethan’s always been a serial monogamist with serious girlfriends. If anyone can help me maneuver these relationship waters, it’s him. “I wanted to remind her of the good times we’ve had growing up. Things I remember about her that maybe she doesn’t realize. Let her know I’m in this for the longhaul.”

My brother smiles. “Gotta say that’s pretty sweet. Bet she’ll loveit.”

“Can I ask you something?” This question has been on my mind since last week when I pounced on Jo like an animal. My brother is really the only person I can ask. And if it gets him talking to me again, even better. “Hell, this is awkward.” I wipe my palms on my jeans. “You know I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, and I have questions. Is it… wrong to be…adventurousin bed with someone you’re seriousabout?”

“Adventurous?”

“Yeah. You know. Rough.” Images of the bite marks I’d left on Joey’s body flash before my eyes. Bite marks she didn’t seem to mind, but still. “Maybe a little debauched. I just—” Rubbing the back of my neck, I clear my throat. “I sometimes feel bad if I do things with Jo. Since….” Add this to the kind of conversation I never wanna have again. Fortunately, my brother finishes mysentence.

“Since she doesn’t have a lot ofexperience.”

Nodding, I lean against the stall. “Not that we’re doing anything right now. I’m lucky if she lets me hug her, but I need to figure this out in myhead.”

Ethan looks down at the ground a moment before he turns his eyes toward me. “I can see why you’d be concerned. But as long as y’all are communicating, and she enjoys what you’re doing, then you should be good to go. What you do and how you do it is one hundred percent up to the two of you. No one gets to judgethat.”

I let out a sigh of relief and wipe my palms again. “FYI, it feels super weird to be asking you for sex advice at myage.”

He laughs, and it lights up his whole face. “Happy to be of assistance to you, little brother.” He smacks me on the back. “Joey’s a great girl, and I know I might’ve given you shit at the coast, but I can see you’re serious about her. Just wanted you to know I’m pulling foryou.”

That chokes me up just a bit. I cough. “It means a lot to me that you’d think that.” I take a big breath, needing to get this off my chest. Been doing a lot of that lately. Figure it’s better than keeping this bad stuff inside. “I never told anyone this, but Dad and I argued that day. AboutJo.”

Ethan stares at me. “The day hedied?”

“Yeah. I was running late because Jo and I were hanging out, and he busted myballs.”

My brother gives me a small smile. “Sounds aboutright.”

“Except he wasn’t just pissed I was late. He didn’t want me hanging out with Joey somuch.”

“’Cause he was pissed atBill?”

I shake my head. “No, because he thought Joey was too young for me to get any ideas, and I had ‘too many oats tosow.’”

“She was, what, a freshman when you were a senior?” When I don’t say anything, he motions to me. “Was he right? Could you have been serious about herthen?”

“I knew she was young and we probably needed to wait a year or two before we dated, but I thought maybe I could. Wait for her, thatis.”

“Noshit.”

“He told me I’d just break her heart. That I was a fool to think like that. He said I’d only be young once, and not only was I not the kind of guy for one girl, he said I’d probably regret it if Itried.”

My brother grits his teeth. “Well, damn. That’s a fucked-up thing to say. Especially in light of the fact that he was a cheating bastardhimself.”

I kick at a twig on the ground. “After that, I couldn’t bring myself to pursue her. Kept hearing that conversation. Kept thinking I wasn’t any good forher.”

“That’s some straight-up bullshit. I know you’ve got a lot going on in your head right now, and I may have questioned you before when I didn’t have the whole story, but if this has proven anything, it’s that you’re as loyal as they come. Hell, loyalty is what got you into this mess with Samantha in the first place, ’cause you were protecting the family. Who knows how the news might’ve affected Mom thatsummer?”

---