Page 4 of Shameless for the Holidays

By the time I reach the hospital room I’m pretty sure I’ve puked out my spleen, but the sight of my unconscious father with tubes sticking out of him makes me ignore my own misery.

My mother turns to me. Behind those puffy eyes, I see a flicker of relief. She’s hovering over my father, who is pale and hauntingly still. In three long strides I’m by her side, and I tuck her against me where she cries quietly.

“I’m here, Mom,” I whisper into her hair.

I inhale her rose perfume, which reminds me of family dinners and laughter and love. Closing my eyes, all I can see is my little brother’s face. That grin he’d give me when he broke my stuff. His light blue eyes that crinkled when he laughed. That mess of sandy brown hair he could never tame.

And God, the weight of not being there for him is crushing.

I grip my mom tighter. Her tears soak my shirt, and I hold her until her sobs still to whimpers.

Once she’s calmed down, we sit by my father’s bed, and she wraps an icy hand around mine. Her lower lip quivers as she smiles sadly toward the bed. “I… I can’t leave him. The doctor wants to do the surgery as soon as possible, tomorrow or the day after. I can’t leave your father…” She starts to sob again. “But I want to be there for my baby.” She always thinks of Cal as her baby even though he’s twenty-five.

Wastwenty-five.

Goddamn it.

“Mom, what needs to be done in Texas?” I ask gently.

She shudders, and I wrap an arm around her. “I don’t even know,” she whispers. The tears start again, and I realize there are funerals to plan. Belongings to pack up. Legal issues to address.

“Did Melissa have any family?”

My mom hiccups. “Probably. They should get the farm. It was... it was her father’s before he passed. Or her uncle’s or something. Melissa’s friend is there now. Kate or Katherine or maybe it’s Sandra? But she’s watching the property.”

Nodding, I rub her shoulder and do what I’ve always done. “I’ll take care of everything in Texas. You just look after Dad. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

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