Page 50 of Stormswept Colorado

“The colonel wanted a son, but he got two daughters. After me, our mom couldn’t have any more children. And on top of me not being the boy he’d wanted, I was always getting into trouble. Drawing pictures on my math worksheets and getting lost in the songs I made up when I was supposed to do chores. I cried too much. Felt too much.”

“You were just a kid.”

I closed my eyes. “Didn’t matter. He was cruel to our mom and Lori, but the colonelhatedme. He would stick me in the basement and call me stupid and lazy through the closed door.”

“Jesus, Ayla.” Teller stroked my back, holding me tight to his chest.

“The colonel never hit me, but his words were meant to hurt, and they did. I used to ask myself what I’d done wrong that he could hate me that much.”

“Nothing,” Teller said fiercely. “You did absolutely nothing.”

I was shaking. I couldn’t believe I was telling him this. I had never toldanyoneall of this, but it was leaching out of me like poison.

I needed it out of me.

“As I got older, I got more defiant. Every time we moved to a new place, I could try out being someone else instead of myself.”

“Performing?”

“Exactly. Even Lori didn’t know how bad it was for me. She had her own friends, like Ashford. It was even worse after our mom got fed up and left.”

“She didn’t try to take you girls with her?”

“The colonel would never have let her. I guess Mom just…decided to forget about us.”

That was hard to say, but I’d come to terms with it. Mom hadn’t tried to contact me, even after I got famous. I was grateful for that. It would’ve been so much worse if she showed up, armed with apologies and excuses, wanting money.

“Lori and I both stayed away from the house as much as possible whenever our father was around.”

“Can’t blame you.”

“I babysat a lot. The little kids were the best. They looked at me like I was someone special.”

“Youaresomeone special.” Teller was using that self-assured tone again. Like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Like he believed it down to his bones.

I smiled sadly. The words kept coming. A torrent that I could no longer hold back. “When I was sixteen, the colonel was stationed in Upstate New York. One night, I’d been babysitting next door. The family had a boy in middle school. The dad was a sergeant. Roy Carpenter. I thought he was nice. Sergeant Carpenter gave me flowers once for my birthday. But that night, the sergeant walked me to my door, and he…he tried to kiss me.”

“What?”

“I punched him in the face.”

“Good. He deserved worse.”

“I thought about kneeing him in the balls too, but he backed off.” A short laugh cut through my heartache again, then disappeared as the sadness took over. “My father must’ve seen through the window. He exploded when I got inside. Accused me of slutting around the base. It was so unfair. I finally told him off. Told him exactly what I thought of him. And…that was the last night I ever spent there. I left home before the morning came. Never went back.”

“It took a lot of courage to leave.”

“Didn’t feel courageous. I sneaked away. Didn’t even wait for Lori to get home. It felt like my only choice.”

There was more to it than I’d said. But it just hurt too much to go through every horrible thing about that night. I’d never told anyone those details, not even my sister.

I was shocked I’d said as much as I had to Teller. My body trembled with the force of it.

“But you went to New York City, right? All on your own. That took guts. You survived, and you built a career for yourself. Now you’re one of the most talented and respected women in the world.”

“Yet a shitty anonymous message referring to my past can tear me down. Like I’m still that scared kid inside.”

Teller’s fingers hooked my chin. Lifted it so our eyes met. “I have never met anyone as resilient as you are. Or so determined. You’re not afraid to make trouble when there’s a good reason. I admire that about you.”

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