Page 8 of Until You're Breathless

We walk down to the back of the school, where there is a small pond. It’s a big pit of erosion, from a small pocket of soil that has weakened over time. Water collects in it all the time and the school board never closes it off, so we usually sit in the grass that surrounds it. And when it’s hot out, sometimes we take our shoes and socks off, and wade around in it. I take my jean jacket off and place it down on the grass and then sit on it. Jagger doesn’t have a jacket, so he just sits down. “What do you want to do after high school?” He asks me.

“I don’t know. I know that I want to go to university. My family doesn’t have any money and I sure as hell don’t want to end up like that.”

“Oh yeah? What do you like to do?”

I turn to him, feeling like he’s going to talk all about me, and I hate that. “What do you like to do?”

“I love cars. I’m saving up for one now. I figure when I’m old enough to get my license, that I’ll have enough money for one by then.”

“I love cars, too. Some girls think that I’m gay or something, but it’s just what I like to talk about. Combustion engines and electrical systems, basically anything that makes the car make noise, I like to check it out.”

He’s impressed. “Yeah? That’s pretty cool, actually. Most of the girls that I know that like cars just want to sit on them and look like a fucking hood ornament.”

“Do your parents care that you swear?”

“Na, not really. Yours?”

“No. My friend Jinny...her mom...encourages it. She says it helps with stress.”

“Yeah? My buddy says that sex helps with stress.” He snuffles.

My face drops. “Oh.” My eyes bulge.

His face sobers. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s okay.” I gasp, embarrassed at my own reaction to the word ‘sex’. I’ve never heard the word used by such a cute boy before, and given that I’m inexperienced, and clearly he’s not, it feels like it drives a wedge between us.

“God, I feel like your face just fell down. And you have such a nice smile.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, you do.” He licks his lips. “Are you like a Mormon or something?”

“No, why?”

“I just...you really don’t like that 's' word. You reacted better when I said ‘shit’.”

It comes out before I can stop it. “I’m a virgin.”

He speaks like it’s no big deal. “So am I. And I didn’t take you for a slut, so I figured you were. There’s just...do your parents make you feel like it’s dirty or something?”

I’m shocked. First, to find out that he’s also a virgin, and second, to speak so openly about this. I don’t even know how to answer. I just met this boy. “No. I just...never mind...it’s silly, and you might be embarrassed. I’ll be embarrassed.”

“No, tell me. I promise neither of us will be embarrassed. If you’re straight up and don’t fuck around, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

“Alright.” I concede, feeling so nervous. “I think I...I think I like you.”

“I think I like you, too. See? That wasn’t embarrassing, was it?”

“No.” I smile. “You’re nice. And you’re cute.”

“You’re both, too. I never met a chick like you. My sister, she’s a pain in my ass, and all her friends just bug me. And girls in this school are either sluts or too stupid for their own good. But you, you I could hang around with.”

“Yeah?”

He nods. “For sure.”

I look at him and he looks at me, and once again, it comes out before I can stop it. “Have you ever kissed a girl before?”

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