Page 39 of Until You're Breathless

She points a finger. “See, that’s what I was afraid of. I...shit...I knew that you would say that, yet I hoped that you wouldn’t.”

“Why do you say that?”

Her gaze is flat. Her voice cracks. Her eyes are glassy as she admits something that I suspect she’s been terrified to admit for the past month. “Because I was in your bed one day and in Boston’s bed the next.”

“Gotcha.” I nod, after a beat.

She wipes a tear from her face and sniffs. This realization is painful for her, but I think that it’s necessary.

“And you don’t want to make the same mistake with me.” I add, even though it’s implied.

She sobs. “Yeah.”

“Fuck it.” I say after a breath. I rise and stand in front of her. I’ve been a man to follow his gut instinct all his life and tonight is no exception. My hands go to her shoulders. She can’t look at me. Her gaze is on the floor, but I’m not going to force her to look at me. No. This time...this time, she’s got to look at me on her own.

“There’s a difference, Bowie.” I rub her arms with my hands as I search for the right words. My eyes go to the ceiling for a moment while I think. “Boston...the man never really loved you. I think that deep down you knew that. I think that you knew that all kinds, but you thought that because I was out of the picture, he was your only option.”

Her eyes are still on the floor, but I know that she’s listening intently. She wipes another tear from her face, and I continue. “And if you want the truth, I think that you loved him out of obligation, not because you truly loved him. That’s why it’s easier to walk away. That’s why it’s easier for him to let you, too.”

Another sob, another wipe of her eyes.

I try like hell to word this properly. My eyes shut tight as they come out slowly, softly. “And if you want the truth, you’re a perceptive lady, Bowie. You always were.” I pause and lick my lips, drawing in a deep breath and releasing it before continuing. When I do, the moment that I’m finished saying what I’ve got to say, I let go of her shoulders. “What your heart is telling you is the honest to God truth. I never stopped loving you. And I never will.” I walk away from her. Leaving her to do what she wants to do with that. I don’t know if she watches me, I don’t know if she stops herself from stopping me, I’m not sure of anything right now.

...Except that I might have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Chapter 11

Bowie

Ihavetorewinditin my head so I know that I heard him right. Yes, he said that he loves me. I won’t be so obtuse as to ask for clarification on that score, either. I know what he meant. He didn‘t mean any other kind of love than what I know he meant. And I’ve never felt so confused before in my life. But I’m not sure how he feels about telling me that. It’s like it was a deep, dark secret, that he promised he’d never share to anyone, ever. And the fact that he walked away right after he said it makes me feel like maybe he’s ashamed. Or scared, maybe. Or maybe he regrets telling me. All I can think about is why. And then I feel so stupid. Of course he didn’t want to tell me. This is a huge risk for Lawson Enterprises. He hired me to add my professionalism to this company, not to add a complication. He’s probably feeling the same trepidation that I’m feeling, in that I want to put this business first, too.

It’s quiet upstairs, where he is, and I assume that he’s gone to bed. I have no idea where anything is, but left to my own devices, I find the room where he placed my bag. Footsteps a few doors down tell me that’s where he is. After checking my face in my powder compact, making sure that I don’t look like a sickly teenager, having been crying, I walk down the hallway. His door is open and he’s standing in front of his walk-in closet, naked from the waist up. I forgot how fucking beautiful he is. He’s even more beautiful given the years that we’ve been apart.

I try to take my eyes off his chest by staring at his eyes, but that’s no better. Jagger Lawson is the sexiest, most handsome man alive. My voice cracks as I speak, but this time, it’s not out of emotion. “So, what do we do? What do we do to keep this company front and center, and not let...anything get in the way of its success?”

His hair is disheveled in the back, from where he removed his shirt. It takes everything in me not to go over and slide my hands through it. I fold my arms over my chest, trying to conceal the fact that my nipples have hardened at the sight of him.

“I thought of that.” He says softly, as he turns around and pulls a shirt out of the closet and hangs it on a metal nub on the wall. The corded muscle on his biceps makes me want to bite my lip. His back muscles hug his spine beautifully, like he was chiseled out of stone. “I thought about changing the company name or at least adding your name to it.”

“That’s not necessary.” I counter. “And that would just add more paperwork. Steal focus. Besides, my name doesn’t need to be on the company for me to take it seriously.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know that’s not what you meant.” I argue kindly. “But what’s really at stake here is...this.” I gesture in front of me, indicating us, or whatever us is now or may be.

He bites his lip, looking at the wall, in thought. “Well, what do you think is the best solution here?”

“I think that what we have is great, Jagger.” I answer honestly. “I don’t want to hurt any of it.”

“Me neither.” He’s looking at me with puppy dog eyes. I could melt. But all I can think about is his lips. Those full lips that are begging to be kissed. My heart is pounding as he stands there in just dress pants. Tight dress pants that hug his behind perfectly. God, he’s such a beautiful man. I want him to say, ‘But I can’t stay away from you any longer. I want to fuck you on every surface of this house and more’, and it’s taking everything in me not to go over there and suck those lips, nip his chest, and stuff his cock so deep down my throat that I forget I have a fucking gag reflex.

His eyes go to the floor. I’ve learned that means that he’s avoiding looking somewhere on me. I know it’s my chest. My nipples are erect. I can feel them. They’re pulsing from under my shirt. I was in just this t-shirt before I left, so I threw on only my jeans, and left. It comes out before I can stop it. “Look at me, Jagger.”

“I...can’t.” He says, almost painfully.

My voice changes to concerned. “Why not?”

He releases a breath as he drags a hand through his hair. “Fuck...me.” He grunts. “Because you’re not wearing a bra, Bowie. And unless you want me to fuck you right here and now, we’ve got problems.”

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