Page 26 of Until You're Breathless

“Sorry about that. I think he really wants us to work together.”

“Yeah, Halen is good for getting his own way, I'll give him that.”

She looks at me with Bambi eyes before walking to the main entrance door. “I’m not going to beg, Jagger. But I am going to tell you that you wouldn’t regret it. I can promise you that.”

I get it. After all the stifling that fucker Boston did, she didn’t walk away until he betrayed her. Point for her. But that still doesn’t erase the fact that I can’t trust her. I still don’t know if she’s here genuinely or if she’s just passing the time, until she goes crawling back to Kruger. “I’ll see ya.” I tell her, and then it happens before I can stop it. I wipe the spot of grease off her face. And I do it way too slowly, too. She’s still got the softest skin in the world. She still smells the same, and her eyes are still as blue as they were years ago. Goddammit, she’s a beautiful girl. She needs to go. She needs to go now.

If she sees the nostalgia in my eyes, she doesn’t respond as such. “Yeah. Thanks again.”

I give her a thin-lipped smile and she walks out the door. Not a second later, my phone rings. It’s Halen again. “What.” I answer tersely.

“Not a good visit?”

“What, do you have a fucking crystal ball over there?”

“No. I just know that your day is officially starting soon, and you would have to kick her out if you hadn’t made up your mind yet, or you’d be calling me to tell me to take her off my hit list. And since you’re in such a shitty mood, I’d say it’s the former.”

“Fuck you. The visit went fine. I’m just not hiring her.”

“Give me one good reason why not.”

“I’ll give you three.”

“I’m listening.”

“One. I’m not giving into you so you can dance a jig of glee at my expense. Two. She’s been fucking Boston Kruger for the last fifteen years. Three. How the hell do I know she isn’t a flight risk.”

“Stop being a pussy, Jagger. Show her you’ve got balls and hire her. Give her a probationary period like she suggested. You know she’s got the chops for what you need in that place, so don’t try to deny it.”

“Yeah, but she’s got baggage, too.”

“Did you ever tell her the fucking truth, man?”

“Why the fuck would I bother.” I seethe. “She was already fucking Boston before I could get the chance to. It would have been a waste of my fucking time.”

“You should tell her, Jag.”

“Like she’ll fucking believe me after all these years. It won’t make a shit bit of a difference.”

“It will and you know it.”

I’m not in the mood for yet another lecture or another trip down memory lane. “Look, Halen, I’m covered in shit and my team will be here soon. I’ve got to go.”

“You run this ship, man.”

“Yeah, and I’m running it the way that I want to. Don’t forget it.” I hang up on him and head into the shower. By the end of the day I find myself back at a familiar place...

Chapter 8

Bowie

Jinnyisoutwithher mom, so I have the house to myself, and it’s long overdue. Since leaving Boston, I haven’t cried, I haven’t punched anything or screamed, nothing. And as much as I’m not the dramatic type, as I look around, I feel like I’ve lost my place. Not just my home but in life, too. The strange thing is, while I was at Jagger’s office, I felt a small semblance of what it was like to belong. It sounds stupid, I know. But I haven’t felt that way since high school. It could be just because I haven’t really seen Jagger since then, but still. It felt really great to get my hands dirty again, to be at the front lines, so to speak, again. I’ve spent too long cooped up in an office, dealing with vendors, suppliers, production teams, the media, you name it.

Jagger saw something in me today that I’d long forgotten. It sort of scared me. This is the man that hurt me like no man has ever hurt me before. Well, that part isn’t true anymore. Boston takes the cake on that front now. But back when I was a teenager and he was my first love, he crushed me. It’s silly to think about after all these years, I know, but I feel like I need to confront that demon again, and realize that by me moving on so quickly, by me running to Boston’s side so fast after Jagger cheated, I robbed myself of the process of dealing with it then.

And while years have passed, here I am, still thinking about it. The funny thing is that I feel like because I didn’t just leave Boston, I gave us some time to figure things out, I didn’t rob myself of that time to process. That’s probably why in my heart I’ve moved on. I’m a survivor. I’m not one to dwell. My work is my therapy. And being there, going through the inner workings of Jagger’s prototype engine, brought me back to what is important. It helped to heal me some. Nonetheless, nothing feels like home anymore. Except being back in a place where I can use my brain and not be inhibited but appreciated.

The security gate beeps with an arrival. Jinny has the security camera linked to her phone, so she must have let the visitor in. Part of me is terrified that it’s Boston. He’s the last person that I want to see. But I’m pleasantly surprised when I see that it’s Jagger. “Hi.” I say in greeting, trying to wipe the smile off my face.

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