Page 11 of Until You're Breathless

“I’ll do what I need to do to protect what I’ve got, Bowie. And if that means crushing you, then so be it. I know women scorned are nothing to fuck with.”

“Then why did you fuck with me.” I point out.

He kicks at an imaginary fleck of dust on the floor. “I made a mistake.”

“Lame.” I scoff. “The fact that you could have easily just told me that you were unhappy makes it that, you realize. If you had come to me and said that you wanted to see other people—”

He cuts me off. “It would have been that easy, would it.”

“Yes, it would have. You and I both know that our romantic life fizzled years ago. That’s what we were both willing to sacrifice for the good of the company. I kept my end of the bargain.”

“Yeah, and now you’re going to spend the rest of your fucking life rubbing my nose in it, right.”

“How wouldyoufeel? If I went around fucking other people? Do you think you would be taking this as rationally as I am? Likely not.”

The muscles in his jaw are working. He’s angry. He’s staring at the floor. His wheels are turning. “Let me ask you this, Bowie. Were you happy? Like,trulyhappy?”

I think back to yesterday, and the many times prior to that, when I used my battery-operated friend, and how many times Jinny or other friends of mine would tell me about their recent romantic escapades. Sure, it pained me a bit, but then I looked at everything else I had, and realized that I can’t have it all. And I was fine with that. I loved Boston. But the truth is that we could never have what I once had. And what I once had I’ll never have again. And I came to terms with that a long time ago...

“You look so beautiful.” He says from the car. He’s standing, stock still, looking at me. For a moment I thought he would faint. I’m wearing a pink silk dress with a sweetheart neckline, with my hair all down in curls, ready for the junior prom. Jagger is in a suit, like, the slickest suit I’ve ever seen. His hair is freshly washed, and he’s shaved. Just to look at him is making my heart skip a beat.

“You look really handsome.” I tell him with a smile. I start to walk to him in my high heels, and he meets me halfway. My mom is calling from behind us, wanting to get pictures, so we let her take a few. I’m too scared to touch him. I’m afraid I’ll wrinkle his perfect suit. When mom and dad have taken a dozen or so pictures, he opens the door for me, and we get inside his new car. “Wow. This is really hot.”

“Thanks. I saved up for like three years for it. My dad gave me half, but it cost a bundle.”

“Is it new?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “I’m scared to drive it to school, though. That Boston kid will key it for sure, he’ll be so fucking jealous.”

“Then just drive it after school.”

“Yeah. I think I’ll do that.” He licks his lips as he starts up the car. “Um, how late are you allowed to stay out?”

“My mom and dad didn’t give me a curfew tonight. They know that I’m with you, so they’re cool.”

He’s impressed. “Your parents like me, huh.”

“They do. My mom says that I’m always smiling since I met you.”

He looks at me and smiles. “My mom says the same thing.”

“My grades are always good, too. And she knows that we study together all the time.”

“Well, we both want to go to university, right?”

“Exactly.”

All night, while we dance together and with friends, we can’t stop looking at each other. It’s like something has changed between us. Like we grew up overnight, and I feel so connected to him, and I also feel like he feels the same. It’s the last dance of the night, a slow one, and he looks at me like he has a major confession to make. “Bowie, I did something, and you can say no and we can forget it.”

My face goes serious. I was worried that maybe tonight, being the perfect night, was too good to be true. And maybe it is. “What did you do?”

“I...uh...I got us a hotel room.” He can’t look at me for a moment. But then he draws the courage, and his eyes meet mine. “Do you want to forget about it? Because I can call and cancel it.”

The truth is, I’ve been thinking about sleeping with him for a while, but I was waiting until something special for our first time. “No, don’t do that.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

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