I think about how I’ve felt since getting back to Ember Falls. How easy it is here. How much fun it is being around people who mean what they say. I’ve loved being back here, feeling as though life was going to finally get better.
Not only that, there is Everett.
“I was.”
“Okay, then why can’t you be happy still? You’re having a baby that you want, Violet. It’s not a death sentence. Many women have kids or divorce and are single moms. Is yours just a little bit more stressful? Yeah, it is, but you are fully capable of handling it.”
I know that I can handle it. I don’t doubt that I can do it and that I will do it, but there is the worry of who I’m doing it with.
“I’m all alone, Ana. I’m out here, by myself, no family, and I can’t put that on Everett. I mean, sure, he’s great and he was here for me the last twenty-four hours.”
She lifts her hand. “Wait. You told him?”
I sigh. “Yes, I went to try to break off or at least put the brakes on the whole sleeping together.”
Analeigh is on her feet a second later. “You didn’t tell me it happened again! Please tell me it was good. I really need you to have at least that.”
“It was good.”
“Really good?” she asks, sitting back down next to me.
She’s never going to relent. “It was the best ever.”
“Thank God! I thought you were going to be one of those girls who only ever had bad sex and then blamed it on yourself. It is never your fault.”
“Good to know,” I say with a sigh. “It just can’t keep going.”
“Why not?”
Has she been listening at all? I mean, it’s pretty damn clear why.
“Because I’m pregnant!”
Ana rolls her eyes. “So what? Pregnant people have sex. Plus you don’t have to worry about getting knocked up again. You can have all the sex you want without the possible repercussions.”
I really don’t know why I’m friends with her sometimes. “You give terrible advice.”
She laughs loudly. “Please! I give amazing advice. You’re just way too uptight. Look, I told you how I felt about the neighbor, and now you’ve had amazing sex. Did he say he wanted to stop banging you?”
“No,” I huff. “He didn’t.”
“Okay, so you told him and he wasn’t like, you’re a shit show that I don’t want tickets to?”
I think back to last night and how that was definitely not what he said. He was sweet, held me all night, and then made sure I had fun today.
“No, he didn’t.”
“Then I’m going to ask, again, why you can’t be with him.”
“Because I can’t. I can’t even think about being with someone. I can’t do that to him. I can’t ask him to get involved with me. I’m a mess, Analeigh. A fucking. Complete. Mess. A mess of epic proportions. I’m not even divorced yet and ... God, I just ... I can’t.”
She moves toward me, pulling me against her. “It’s okay, Vi. I know you’re a mess, and ...” She pauses, sniffing me. “What the hell is that? You smell like a barn.”
“I was at the farm all day today. That’s probably why I didn’t get your calls. Everett took me there after I woke up. He wanted me to see a cow and goats.”
Ana looks absolutely horrified by this idea. “This is what you moved here for? Goats?”
“I didn’t know there were goats.”