“Do you really want to talk about Dylan?”
“Not really, but I’ve been curious.”
I sigh, staring at the flames. “We had a class together. I spent the first three years trying to wrap my mind around how I could be so stupid as to walk away from you. I loved you, Everett. I loved you to the depths of my soul, please know that.” His Adam’s apple bobs and then he nods, so I continue. “I didn’t date or sleep around. I just sort of spent three years trying to be invisible. I met him at a party that my roommate dragged me to, and I can’t explain it, because looking back, I was just desperate to not be alone anymore. I was so sad and angry at myself. Here was this guy who was charismatic and had this plan for a life I dreamed of.”
“Dreamed of how?” he asks with a tightness in his voice.
Laying all of this out is so difficult, but at least, once we talk about it, maybe the slate can be clean and he can see that it was never about him. It was me. “I spent my entire life moving around from one archaeological site to another. I didn’t haveany security, and here you were, this incredible athlete who was going to take the world by storm. I was so proud of you, but it terrified me. That we would never have any stability.”
He laughs once. “So you married an actor?”
“He graduated with an accounting degree. Dylan never had aspirations for anything more than making a great living and providing a stable home. I thought that’s what we were going to have. A marriage, two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. Then, about two years into our marriage, he just quit his job because he was going to be an actor. It ... well, it was not what I thought, but we were married and I wanted to support him.”
Everett leans forward, his hand moving to my knee. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that baseball was causing you fear. I wish you’d have talked to me.”
“I wish I had too. Not because of the current state of my life, but because I loved you, and I can’t help but laugh, because I ended up leaving you to get exactly what I was afraid of, only with a person who sold me lies.”
His brown eyes shine with a hint of sadness. “I appreciate you saying all of this. I always wondered what I did wrong.”
“It was never you,” I reassure him. Everett’s hand stays on my leg as our eyes are locked. Immediately, I go back in time to when we sat just like this as kids, and he leaned in to kiss me for the first time.
I glance over at him, seeing that boy again, as he stares back.
“What are you thinking right now?” Everett’s deep voice crackles like the fire.
“Is that your question?”
“Yes.”
“I’m remembering something that happened on this couch.”
His arm drapes across the back. “What do you remember?”
“You kissed me.”
“I did.”
The rasp in his voice causes my stomach to clench. “It was my first kiss.”
“It was mine too.”
We were young and naive, but he made me feel so special. “I know, we were all teeth and tongues.” I laugh, looking down and shaking my head.
He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I slowly bring my eyes back to his. Everett’s gaze is serious, and the heat in the room goes up twenty degrees, but it’s not from the fire. The desire to kiss him is so great I can barely think straight.
I lean forward, as though we’re two magnets and the force is too great to resist. His hand moves to my arm, and my heart is racing.
I need this.
I want him.
I don’t care if it’s wrong or stupid, it just feels so right.
I shift and move in more. Our lips are so close, and then his hand moves up to cup my cheek. He cradles my face tenderly, and then the other hand comes up, holding me in place. Our gazes are locked, and I wonder whether he can read my thoughts.
I’m scared.
I don’t know if we should.