Page 58 of Here and Now
Also, I don’t even know that we’d work, and then what? If things end badly, I’d have to leave Ember Falls, which I know is a possibility anyway, but I don’t want a breakup to be the reason.
Kai and I like it here. It’s not perfect, but the last few weeks have been easy and felt more like a home than Tennessee ever did.
“Miles, look, I ...” I scoot forward onto the edge of the couch. How do I even say this? I just have to be as honest as I can. “I don’t have the greatest track record with men, and I’ve been hurt really badly. It’s just ... not a good idea for me to get involved in a relationship right now.”
“I’m not asking for anything. I’d just like to be your friend, and if that leads to more, then ... so be it.”
I stare into his green eyes, wanting so badly to be someone else. A girl who doesn’t look at a man and wonder whether he has a jealous streak. Or whether he’s a man who seems perfect in the beginning, only to reveal flaws that you explain away, making you complicit in them.
I did that with Edward.
When he would yell, it was always something I did to provoke it.
When he first touched me in anger, it was because I asked too many questions and should’ve let him be.
It was my fault he would scream and have me cowering in a corner. It was something that was wrong with me.
It wasn’t until I found out I was having Kai that I realized theonly thing I did wrong was stay and allow him any excuse.
Miles moves closer, leaning in slowly, and my heart begins to race. His eyes are like liquid smoke, and I could get lost in them.
“Just friends,” I remind him.
“Just friends.”
He keeps coming. The heat of his body starts to warm other parts of me, and ... oh, God. He just said he wanted to be friends and understands, but now he’s definitely looking like he’s going to kiss me.
I’m still for a moment, not wanting to misread this and look stupid. He stops when he’s close enough that I can smell the scent of clean soap, and his cologne of sandalwood, amber, and sage fills me.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t move.
I can’t let him kiss me.
Miles watches me, not moving or speaking, and I know I have to stop this.
“You just said you wanted to be friends and understood ...” I barely croak out, my throat tight. “Now you look like you’re going to kiss me.”
He smiles. “What, you don’t kiss all your friends?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t.”
He leans back instantly, chuckling a little. “That’s too bad. I think it should be something you consider for our friendship at least.”
I grin and the nerves subside as he goes back to his spot on the couch, trying to decipher if I’m relieved he didn’t kiss me or disappointed. I’m not sure which one is winning out.
eleven
Penelope
Iroll over, glancing at the clock, waiting to see it tell me it’s been fifteen minutes since I last checked. I nearly leap out of bed when I see it’s actually ten in the morning.
How the hell did I sleep until ten?
Well,I didn’t fall asleep until after six in the morning.
Why, you ask?
