Page 44 of Here and Now
“When do you work again?”
“I work tonight.”
“Then you have to let me keep Kai for the rest of today. The same logic applies. He’ll keep Ethan out of my hair, and Doug can supervise the boys. That way you don’t have to take Kai into the coffee shop and he can just hang by me.”
The panic that’s always a small ball in my stomach grows, making me feel like I can’t breathe. I force a smile. “That’s too much. You have the baby and adding another six-year-old into the mix will be a lot.”
“No, I promise, it won’t. At this point my house is a zoo and what you said is right: it’ll keep Ethan occupied and Doug can hobble his ass outside while they play. Doug and I were going to take the boys to watch Miles’s Ultimate Frisbee match, and when we’rethere, Ethan is always trying to run onto the field. Maybe with your son, who actually behaves, we won’t have to threaten to tie him to his chair.” We both laugh. “Please, it’ll be a help to both of us.”
It’s as though my mind is being torn down the middle. On one side, I have the rational part of me that says I should let Kai do this. It’s normal for kids to have sleepovers and playdates. What is not fun is sitting in the coffee shop for hours each day, and it’s not fair to him.
This will give him something to do, and if Eloise is offering, I shouldn’t turn it down.
But the side of me that’s ruled by the fear I’ve lived through says not a chance in fucking hell. No way should I let my son go to someone’s house. I don’t know Eloise and Doug well enough. I’ve met her only a few times, and I can’t let Kai be away from me.
What if I have to grab Kai?
What if he’s far away and I can’t get to him?
And then I think, What if that never happens? What if my brother has hidden us well again and we have years where we get to live in this town? Heck, we could have forever.
I force myself to take a deep breath and think. Fear is never going to make sense. It’s a liar and a thief. I can make it to Kai in just fifteen minutes, and my brother always gives us more of a notice than that.
I can do this. I can let him go for just a little while. I need a middle ground that will appease both sides of my brain.
“All right. If you can keep Kai while I’m at work, I’ll pick both boys up after, and they can sleep at my house. Then we have the whole next day?”
She smiles. “Deal.”
I can do this. I did it the other day with Miles driving him, and I can handle it this time.
At least, I hope.
I check my watch for the hundredth time, no texts or calls from anyone. This is a good thing. It means that Kai isn’t in trouble and no one is close to finding me. All is good.
Everything is fine.
Maybe if I tell myself that enough, I’ll believe it.
The door chimes, alerting me that I have customers. When I look up, it’s Miles, Everett, and Lachlan.
“Hey, guys,” I say, forcing myself to be calm and collected.
“Penny! My angel of caffeine. Load me up with a double espresso, please, and put it on Hazel’s best-friends-drink-free pass,” Everett says with his arms wide.
I laugh and shake my head. “She revoked that.”
“She wouldn’t.”
I shrug. “She specifically told me that you pay for your coffee from now on.”
“That woman is more temperamental than a vintage car. I swear, she gets mad and takes it out on my coffee addiction.”
Lachlan shakes his head. “Maybe stop pissing her off.”
“It’s what I do best.”
“So coffee that isnoton the house?” I ask.
