Page 32 of Here and Now
“Do you ever wonder what Mom would’ve been like?” Eloise asks.
That question takes me back a little. “I guess. I wonder more what our lives would’ve looked like if we had parents.”
“Gran definitely would have less gray hair.”
“And probably not scowl as much.”
She laughs. “Careful or I’ll tell her as much.”
Like the saying goes about calling the Devil, she enters the living room. “My hearing hasn’t gone yet, Miles. Watch yourself.”
“It’s hard to steal the hearing from an angel,” I say, trying to win her back.
She scoffs. “I know all your charms, Miles Anderson, which means I know you ain’t got none.”
“Please, I’m the most charming person you know, Gran.”
At least that’s what I believe. I’m the grandson for the ages.
She sits in the rocking chair, shaking her head. “I think Ethan is leagues above you.”
“I taught him everything I know.”
Gran smiles and reaches her arms out. “Give me my great-granddaughter, please.”
I get up, placing Cora in her arms, and all that piss and vinegar dissolves as she holds the baby.
“She looks like Eloise,” I say, remembering all the photos of us as babies.
Gran leans in, kissing Cora’s forehead. “She does, only cuter.”
“Hey!” Eloise protests. “I was adorable.”
Gran scoffs. “Until you could talk. Then all that cuteness went out the window.”
I chuckle. “You know, Gran, it’s a wonder with all your praise and adoration that you dole out that Eloise and I are so humble.”
“I prefer honesty over flattery,” Gran says while stretching her neck.
“Except when we’re talking about her,” Eloise says with raised eyes as she stares at Gran.
Which is true. Gran denies any story that doesn’t paint her in the light she feels is accurate. Not that Eloise and I have much to complain about. Gran was loving, firm, and always willing to do anything for us. She had raised her kids and didn’t hesitate to do it again, even though life wasn’t going to be easy.
“Miles, why didn’t you go see your sister in the hospital?” Gran asks, already knowing the answer to that.
“Because I don’t do hospitals.”
“Until you need one, and then you’re not going to be able to be so smug about it.”
“I’m not smug,” I tell her.
Eloise sighs heavily. “He’s always been this way, Gran, he’s not going to change now. He’s convinced that people only go to the hospital to die. Clearly we’ve proven that wrong.”
“You have issues and I have mine. I’m aware that it’s not rational, but I just can’t do it.”
I believe that grief and fear manifest in different ways for everyone. I’m fully aware that being afraid of the hospital is irrational. It saves more people than it harms. I can literally walk through all the truths and it doesn’t matter. I fucking can’t do it.
When Doug got hurt, I made it to the front doors and froze.
