Page 23 of Here and Now
“But my dad died,” Kai says with a mix of sadness and longing.
Oh, how much I wish I could take it away for him.
At first my brother and I argued about how much to tell Kai. He’s a kid and I really didn’t want to burden him with the truth about his father. While I may not speak to my parents anymore, I had a great childhood where I felt safe and loved, at least when I was living the way they expected me to.
Kai never would have that. He will never know the love of a two-parent home. Regardless of the fact that Edward VanderGroef was a monster and I didn’t want him anywhere near us. I do hate it for Kai, though.
Quinn felt I was doing more harm by keeping him completely in the dark. After about thirty minutes of back-and-forth and more tears than I care to admit, I agreed. Kai needed to know his father wasgone, because if he was approached by anyone asking questions, he had to be prepared.
“Where is this coming from?” I ask.
“A dad would know how to lace my skates and teach me how to hit the puck. You’re cool, Mom, but you don’t know that stuff.”
No, I don’t. “Not all dads know that, though.”
“Coach Miles does. He’s super cool. He even played hockey in college, and he knows how to do all that stuff.”
Oh, this is going to go great. “Then it’s a really good thing he’s your coach, because he can help you with all that stuff, without being your dad.”
“Ethan said that he’s the coolest uncle ever. That he always comes to his house and he plays games and sneaks him things that he’s not supposed to have.”
I smile. “Like all good uncles and aunts do. Uncle Quinn does that for you too.”
He sighs. “Yeah, but I don’t get to see Uncle Quinn all the time.”
I reach my hand back and take his. “I know, but it would be really hard if I met someone who I could actually like and then we had to leave. I think, for right now, it’s best if it’s just the two of us. Am I cool enough to maybe try to learn about hockey skates and hitting the puck?”
Kai sighs heavily, as though I’ve just asked him to do math homework. “I guess. Maybe one day I can have another dad, though?”
“Maybe one day, baby.”
Maybe one day we won’t have to worry about the fact that I’m worth more dead than alive. Maybe one day we will be able to have a home, a life, a family that I want just as much as it seems Kai does.
I can hope.
But for now I need to be realistic, and that means working and letting my brother and the team he has do what they can to protect us and keep searching for answers that will allow us to be free from the people hunting us.
“Ethan says it’s great having a dad.”
A tear forms and I do my best to stop it from falling. “I’m sorry, Kai. I really am. I know it’s hard for you.”
He shrugs and looks out the window. “I hate the rules.”
“I hate them too.”
The rules are the worst part of our life even though there are only four that must be kept. I’ve drilled them into Kai.
Do not talk to strangers. Ever.
Never post anything on the internet.
Don’t tell anyone our real names or where we live.
If someone ever says he knew his dad, he should scream and find help.
“Do you think the bad people will find us?” he asks, almost absently.
Every single day I worry about it, but my only concern is staying alive and away from the men who killed Edward.
