Page 163 of Here and Now
“Clearly.” I brush the tears away, not wanting to miss anything from blurry vision.
He takes my hand. “I’ve never been more sure of anything, and while I didn’t get to ask you in a way that you’d know I was sure, I hope this proves it. I love you, Penelope Miller. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”
I smile, the weight of the world lifting. My tears fall and I nod. “I already said yes, but I’ll say it a hundred times. Yes, I want to marry you.”
“You’re sure?” he asks with a grin.
“I’m sure.” Miles slides the gold ring with a pear-shaped diamond on my finger. “It’s beautiful,” I say.
In the last few days I’ve felt the lowest of lows, and Miles just gave me a high I didn’t know was possible. I hoped that he wasn’t just asking me because of fear, but this shows it. How did I ever get so lucky?
“Not as beautiful as the woman whose finger it’s resting on.”
The diamond shimmers in the light, and I bring my hands to his face, kissing him softly. I pull back, knowing this next part is tricky. “I do want to ask if you’re okay if we wait a bit, let Kai settle in before we spring it on him.”
“I understand. He’s been through a lot, and I think we need to make sure he’s okay before we tell anyone. I’ll keep the ring, and when you’re ready, I’d like to ask you with him.”
The fact that he worries about my son above his own wants is why I love him so much. “I love you.”
“I love you, Penelope.”
He kisses me softly, and I imagine what this life could be.
When will we marry? Will it be a small wedding or does he want something big?
A part of me wants everyone to see us happy and in love. Also for Kai to get to watch us choose each other.
I want him to witness a relationship and how special and beautiful it can be.
Obviously, we’ll live here since he owns his home and our houseis ... gone in a way. I’ll also want to make some bigger changes in my life regarding work. And then who knows about a family and if he’ll want more kids. It’s definitely something I wonder about.
I brush my thumb against his lips. “Do you want kids someday?”
I know I always wanted another, but I don’t know if he does. Miles is quiet for a bit, and then his voice is soft. “I didn’t. For a long time I was completely fine with being an uncle. When you came into my life, it became different. I not only fell in love with you, I fell in love with Kai as well. I want to be his father in every way that matters. You know my mother died four days after giving birth to me and Eloise, right?”
I nod and my chest aches at what he must’ve felt. “I know.”
“So I don’t know if I want more kids. I want to want them. I know, logically, that millions of women have perfectly normal births and don’t die from it, but I ... I can’t lose you, Penelope. If Kai is the only child we have and raise, I’d be okay with that. I promise I will love him like he’s my own. However, if we’re blessed with a baby, then of course I’d be happy. Terrified,” Miles says quickly, “but happy. Doyouwant another baby?”
My immediate reaction is to say yes, because I always have wanted a bigger family. I sort of gave up on that dream because life took me in another direction. Now it’s going in another turn, and the future feels so wide and unknown.
“I’m open to it, but”—I sigh, placing my hand on his chest—“I just want you for now.”
thirty-six
Miles
Her saying that I’m enough makes me want to give her more. I don’t want enough. I want better than enough for her. Looking in her eyes makes my chest grow tight. I love her with everything I am.
That may seem cheesy or cliché, but it’s how I feel about her. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy.
I lean in, our lips so close, and I breathe in her jasmine and floral scent. For days I wondered if I’d ever have her in my arms again or inhale that perfume that is all her.
Now she’s here and I swear, I can’t let her go.
“I missed this,” I tell her.
“What?”
