Page 129 of Here and Now
The concern in his eyes almost breaks me again. “I’m more worried about you.”
I owe him an explanation. Yet, it’s more than owing it to him. It’s that Iwantto tell him. I want to give him a part of me and hope that he’ll understand.
“I’ve spent the last six years avoiding allowing anyone in,” I tell him, staring at the vein in his neck.
He tenses. “Do you feel comfortable telling me why?”
“Only part of it.”
Miles nudges my head up to look at him. “You can trust me, Penelope.”
“I know, but I can’t tell you everything. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said it’s best you don’t know. It would’ve been honestly better if you never came around me. You wore me down,” I admit as a tear trickles over my cheek. “You broke down every defense I had, and now I don’t know how to get it back.”
“I’ll be your defense.”
How absolutely perfect is this man. He has no idea what he’d be defending me from, yet he gives it so willingly.
“You can’t defend me from the past, Miles.”
“Did you do something? Are you running because of it?”
“Who said I’m running?” I ask, fearful of how close to the surface he is.
“I’m not saying this to scare you, but I’m trained to read and find secrets, Penelope. I know you’re running from something. I’m pretty sure your brother doesn’t work for a start-up, and he’s helping to keep you hidden. I haven’t asked about it because I don’t want to push you. I’ve waited for you to open up because no one just randomly moves to Ember Falls. So what is it that has you hiding?”
I let someone’s money and influence destroy my life because I thought he loved me. Edward’s words were pretty, but his actionswere those of a monster. I remember thinking how wrong he was, how cruel he could be, and explaining it away because he’d buy me something pretty and say how sorry he was after.
If I accepted his faults, surely it meant he’d accept mine.
But his weren’t just fissures, they were fucking fractures.
Miles waits patiently, and I work to find my courage. My eyes meet his beautiful emerald ones, and I say all that I can. “I fell in love, or what I thought was love, with a very wealthy and powerful man. We’ll call him John. John is Kai’s father. John was the kind of man who wanted more—always. He wanted more money, more control, more of anything he could. I’m sure I wasn’t the only woman he dated at the time, either, but I don’t know for sure. He was brutal and savage and absolutely fucking awful.”
“Did he hurt you?” His voice is full of restrained anger.
I close my eyes, remembering the pain of the back of his hand, and nod. “Yes, but it was always ... calculating. Mostly he used other ways than brute force to scare me when I tried to leave. He broke into my apartment when I didn’t sleep at his place and slashed my couches after I tried to leave him the first time. He would threaten me, more than anything, and I never knew if it was going to happen.”
It was the fear that was the worst. That may sound impossible to someone else, but I could handle a backhand; the stalking and mind games were worse to me.
Miles draws slow circles on my back, telling me it’s safe for me to go on.
“I found out I was pregnant. In that moment, when I saw that test with a plus sign, I knew I had to leave. There was never a doubt in my mind that he would either kill me or use the baby as a way to manipulate me.”
There had never been a more clear moment in my life. I refused to bring a child into this world with Edward VanderGroef. Even if it meant spending the rest of my life on the run.
“Does he know about Kai?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“But he’s searching for you?”
“No.”
His eyes narrow, and I can see the confusion on his face. “Penny, I’m not sure I understand.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but if I tell you more, if I give you this secret, your life will be in danger. I can’t do that to you. I can’t risk that you’ll be dragged into this. The reason I didn’twantto love you, damn it, is because I might have to leave. No, Iwill. They’ll find me. They always do.”
“Who will find you? If John, as you call him, doesn’t know about Kai, why would he be hunting you?”
