Page 81 of All Too Well
I did not have to fake a single thing this time.
I move my hand up his leg and wrap it around his dick, pumping. He makes a hissing noise and pulls me back up toward him.
Our lips meet again, and I kiss him deeply as I continue to stroke him. He breaks away, groaning as he does. “You feel so good.”
“I want to make you feel good.”
“You are, sweetheart. So much.”
He kisses me, breaking off any chance of a retort. Then he flips our positions and he’s on top of me. He reaches over and grabs a condom out of the drawer, then slips it on. I lie still, not letting my mind start to wander.
However, I’m freaking out a little.
Lachlan stares down at me. “Ainsley ... are you sure?”
“I am.”
“It just feels like ... it’ll change everything.”
It will. I’ll never be the same, but that’s okay.
There will be two halves of me. The before Lachlan made love to me and the after. This girl, in this moment, doesn’t actually know what it’ll be like. I can live in a pretend world where I can lie to myself about what he’ll feel like inside me.
After, I won’t. I’ll know what his weight feels like, how he will make me feel whole, full, and his.
I bring my hand to his cheek and smile. “Change is good.”
“I don’t want to stop now.”
That’s a damn good thing. I sigh, wanting to lighten the mood so he doesn’t stop. “Really?”
“I want you too much. God, I want you so fucking much, Ainsley.”
“Good, because I want you to be my first,” I joke.
His eyes widen and he pushes up farther. “What?”
Okay, maybe this was a bad joke. “I’m kidding! Relax.”
He laughs once, dropping his head to my shoulder. “Fucking hell. You literally are going to be the death of me.”
“I don’t know whether to laugh or be offended.”
Lachlan lifts his head. “You swear you’re joking?”
“I swear.” I don’t tell him it’s only been once. I’m pretty sure that will equally horrify him. “But I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted it to be you.”
“I would’ve hated myself if I took that from you, not when I can’t give you everything.”
Meaning his heart.
I push that aside, brushing my thumb against his cheek. “This is enough.”
The lie slips from my lips far too easily.
It will never be enough, but it’ll be enough as far as he knows.
I’ll find a way to endure a life without the only man I’ve ever loved.
