Page 24 of Forgotten Desires

She lets out a nervous laugh. “You have no idea. I just started a new company, so I invested everything I saved to get that started. Plus, I still have all my student loans from college and law school, so now I wish I’d kept my savings for this surgery. My brothers, while they’re amazing men, are not going to be okay with this, even though in the end they’ll support me—begrudgingly. Since Howie had his setback a year and a half ago, he lost his job, and his insurance was paying for the transplant, but now he doesn’t have that so it’s all out of pocket, but he got a grant from the hospital for his portion. It’s fine. I’ll get everything figured out. But, my partner with the PR firm is amazing, and we’re branching off an already established PR company so hopefully the growing pains won’t be as severe.”

I hate to tell her that most new companies all have growing pains, and they’re usually way worse than expected. However, I’m not opening my mouth about any of that. She needs to stay positive, and it seems her excitement is great regarding her possible job. “I didn’t realize you did PR.”

“I do!” she says with a bounce in her seat. “I’m clearly a shitty business owner since I didn’t even mention it and you’re . . . well, you. We do crisis management for corporations, if you ever need someone to help, you know who to call.”

I nod. “I do now. You’re also a lawyer?”

“I was, but I hated it.”

I can understand why she would. After spending two hours with my lawyer, I hated her and her damn job.

“And you love PR?”

She nods with a smile. “Yes, it’s kind of similar in a way. I see a problem and in this job I can actually fix it. There’s something really special about helping someone. It’s why I thought I really wanted to do family law. I learned quickly that it’s less about that and more about hating the broken system.”

“I see that in action now.”

“I wish I could give you some great advice, but, it always depends on the judge.”

“Layla deserves more.”

Brynn reaches her hand out, covering mine. “She has a father willing to fight for her and I think there’s nothing a little girl needs more than that.”

I cover hers, keeping the connection because I need to touch her. “And you’re a girl saving her father, I can only hope to be deserving of that someday.”

Brynn smiles softly. “You are, Crew, don’t ever doubt that.”

The sad part is that I’ve only ever felt secure about deserving love when I’m with Brynn, and I fucked up any chance of having that back.

seven

BRYNLEE

Dinner was amazing and as we’re on our way back to my car, because he refuses to let me take the train to Jersey, insisting he and Cliff will drive me, he gets a call.

“I understand. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” There’s a pause as someone else speaks. “Don’t worry about Jacqueline, I’ll handle it.” Crew hangs up the phone and speaks to Cliff. “Head to the brownstone.”

“Yes, sir.”

Crew looks to me. “I’m sorry, I have to go to Layla. I know you want to get back to your car, but I have to go.”

“Of course! Is everything okay?” I ask.

“She’s hysterically crying and the nanny can’t get a hold of Jacqueline. She’s crying about her stomach and won’t let the nanny near her. I need to go to my daughter.”

“I understand. It’s fine,” I say quickly, hoping there’s nothing wrong.

Crew’s leg bounces as we drive and I reach out, offering whatever support I can. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. This is what comes along with parenting. My brothers would do the same. Hell, I would as well.”

“This just keeps happening.” He runs his fingers through his thick hair. “This is why I want her with me. I’m not running off to get drunk or God only knows what else she’s doing while the nanny raises my daughter.”

I wish I could say something, anything, but I can’t fix this. I can just be a friend in this moment.

Soon, we’re pulling up to a beautiful old brownstone with ornate wrought iron railings and detailed brickwork above the windows. He exits the car, waiting for me to get out, and places his hand on my back, ushering me up to the house. When we get to the door, it opens before he can knock or ring the bell and the nanny has tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Mr. Knight, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. She just keeps crying and saying how she wants Jacqueline, but she got drunk, screamed at her, and left.”

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