Page 89 of Broken Dreams
“It is,” Grady says without pause. “Even though we’re not having sex.”
I groan. “You had to say it.”
“You said it first, I was just assuring you that I hear you loud and clear.” He shrugs, shows his badge to the gate guard and then the bar lifts.
As soon as we’re away from there, I clarify my earlier statement. “I didn’t say weweren’thaving sex. I was just saying that weshouldn’t.”
Grady parks the car outside a big building and then turns to me with a smirk. “There’s a distinction in there somewhere. Do you want to have sex with me?”
I want to fall through the floorboards and die, that’s what I want.
“Let’s talk about the Jett thing, that sounds like there’s a story there.”
“He went inside without a tantrum. Now, back to what we were talking about.”
Seriously, sometimes I hate myself and my big mouth. “What about Jett and his story time, how did that go?”
I bring it up because it’s the one thing that Grady will not give up. He either does it over the phone or video call if he’s working or he’ll rearrange his schedule to ensure that every night, he reads to Jett.
He chuckles again. “It went like it always does.”
Of course it did. Even if it hadn’t, I’d bet my ass he won’t tell me anything different.
I’m a grown woman and I can handle this discussion. So I turn my body to face him as much as I can in the car and tackle this head on. “Fine, we’ll have this conversation. I don’t know if I want to have sex with you. I know that I like you, I’m very much attracted to you. I know that I like how you kiss me, make me feel when I’m around you, but I also don’t know how much is pretend and real.”
He leans forward, his hand cupping my cheek. “I like you too, Addy. I don’t have to fake much with you. You know how I feel and why I won’t make the relationship part real. I can’t do it. I just...it wouldn’t be fair to you. However, the attraction, the friendship, the way I care about you isn’t fake.”
A warm feeling moves through my veins and I hate that right now, I want the lie to be real.
“So you want to have sex with me?”
He chuckles low and runs his thumb against my cheek. “I don’t know a man alive who wouldn’t want that, but I have no expectations and I would never ask that of you.”
I really should learn to keep my trap shut, but I haven’t so far. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you never ask that?”
Why am I so dumb and why do I keep talking?
“Because I think you’re a woman who only gives herself to a man she loves and who loves her back. I think you’re the kind of woman who men dream of finding because you’re honest and giving. You give your heart and that’s a gift I wouldn’t take from you, but I wish to fucking God that I was deserving of it, Addy.”
His thumb strokes my cheek again, then drops and I feel the loss everywhere because I wish it too, and I wonder if I am that woman or I can be a new version, one who can take what she wants and walk away unscathed.
twenty
GRADY
“Only one bed?” Addison says with a laugh as we walk into the hotel room. “It’s like we’re in a novel where this is the exact thing that would happen.”
“Well, it is the exact thing that happened and I promise, we’re not in a novel.”
She turns to me. “Yes, funny that.”
As luck would have it, the room I booked was given away accidentally, leaving us with one option and this is it.
“I swear, I didn’t plan this,” I say.
