Page 128 of Broken Dreams
She nods. “It was. And you got your money now too.”
Yeah, I do. I can’t even use that to keep this going. “Which is all thanks to you.”
“We’ve been over this, Grady.”
I smile. “We have. I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” she jokes.
I park the car, my heart in my throat as I know the next part of the conversation we have to have. “So what now?”
Her lips become a flat line as she releases a breath through her nose. “I guess we break up?”
“Are you going to move back to Rose Canyon?”
“I think I have to do what’s best for the charity. It’s a lot of money...I...don’t know what to do. Would it change anything if I stayed?” Addison asks, and I know that I cannot stand in her way.
No matter my million reasons that I have, it wouldn’t be fair to her. “I care about you. I care about you more than I ever thought I would. I think about you all the fucking time. I ache for you when you’re not with me, and that terrifies me. When I moved here, it was to give Jett and me a chance to have a new life. One where he was surrounded by his family, my siblings, and grow up in a small town. I can’t move again. I can’t move across the country when I have a business I’m building, a house that’s about to start construction. I can’t do that to him, Addy. No matter how much I want things, I have to do what’s right for my son. I also can’t do that to you. I can’t ask you to love a man who is half broken.”
There. I’ve said it.
I laid it out on the table.
Addison looks down at our clasped hands. “You aren’t half broken, you’re half healed, but I understand your reasons around Jett. I really do.”
I let out a heavy breath. “I’m not ready to let this end.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I’m afraid I can’t let this go on. I’m going to fall in love with you, I’m already halfway there.”
“Addison...”
Her hand releases from mine. “We had an agreement, and I was aware of the risks. I worried this would happen, and I tried to convince myself not to let my heart open to you and Jett, but it did. You’re so easy to love, Grady. That said, I know that you don’t want what I do. A family, more kids, a life like I once dreamed of before it was broken. I want that...and you don’t.”
“I can’t do it.”
“Can you at least tell me why?” she asks, hesitancy in her voice.
“I already have. I can’t understand how after everything you went through how you can be willing to risk your heart again. How can you allow it for Elodie?”
Her head pulls back. “Elodie?”
“Yes. What if you and I were to fall in love and get married, merge our families together and build a life, only to have some horrible thing happen? What if you got pregnant and had an aneurysm? I went to sleep after Lisa was nursing Jett, she went downstairs, and never opened her eyes again.” I snap my fingers. “Just like that. Every dream. Every hope. Every fucking promise of a future was gone. Not just for me though, I could’ve handled it, but for Jett. He’ll never have the life we planned for him, and in a way, I thank God every day that he never truly knew Lisa and loved her. He doesn’t remember how it felt to be loved by her, so he doesn’t experience that level of pain. I experienced the loss, which was bad, but then I had to give Jett up for three years. I was a part-time dad, and I will hate myself forever for that. Now, I will give him every part of me because he deserves nothing less.”
“So for Jett, you’ll keep yourself closed off?”
I wish. “I’m not closed off, Addison. I feel far too fucking much. Things I swore I never would. I was perfectly fine not dating or remembering how much life was better when you had someone to share it with. But you, you were just so easy to care about with your kind heart and beautiful smile. None of that matters, does it? We both have different dreams now. Mine isn’t for another family. It’s to give Jett the best I can with a stable job, life, home, and then...what if it doesn’t work? What if we get to a point where we realize that we aren’t right for each other?”
The words are coming out so fast, but I can’t hold them back. This is what I worry about. This is who I am now. Life experiences change people, and I will never be the same again.
“I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t know what my future holds, but that’s the point of life. We don’t get the answers. We don’t know what lies ahead, but we go on the journey. Am I scared of all of those things? Of course I am. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Not just for Elodie, but for me. I don’t want to bury another husband. I don’t want to lose everything, but I don’t want to stay behind a wall where I live a half existence either.” She lets out a heavy sigh, a defeated one. “I respect your decision. I do. I wish it was different, but that’s not what either of us signed up for. We agreed to fake date until the wedding and you got the investment. Both have been satisfied, and a deal is a deal. So, maybe we just cool off for a few days, let the town think we had a fight?”
Why does it feel so fucking wrong agreeing to this?
Yeah, because I did fall for her. Because I want to spend as many more nights as I can with her. Because if she’s leaving, I want every goddamn night so I can remember them once she’s gone.
And that’s the part she isn’t talking about. Addison is going to move to Oregon. She’s going to run an empire, and I can’t go. I can’t force Jett to move across the country for a woman I don’t even know if I have a future with.
He is what matters.
