Page 111 of Forbidden Hearts
“He’s good. A little irritated you haven’t found your way to see us since you’ve been back.”
Yeah, I should’ve expected that.
“To be fair, my father did strongarm me into working as a nanny the minute I got in town. I haven’t had loads of free time.” Mostly because, when I do, I’m on my back. Not going to tell her that, though.
“You’re forgiven—this time.” She winks. “Now, the nurse said you’re here for a physical for grad school admissions? Didn’t we do one last year?”
I launch into telling her about my changes and how Iowa wasn’t a good fit.
“Honey, I have known you since you were four days old, and there is not a lie in this world you can tell without my knowing it. Out with the truth.”
I should’ve gone to an urgent care. “You’re bound by confidentiality, right?”
Her lips purse, and she puts a hand on her hip. “You did not just ask me that.”
I laugh. “All right, I could use some advice from someone who isn’t crazy.”
After fifteen minutes of me basically blurting out the mess that is my life, I have a box of tissues on my lap and tears streaming down my face. I am so emotional over all of this. It’s been too much. I told her about Jonathan, Asher, my feelings about college, how much I don’t want to go, but how I know it’s what I need to do. I am pretty sure I talked about the orgasms, which—I regret that one, but there is no judgment in Lucy’s eyes, only love.
Her dark brown hand rests on mine. “You’ve had a pretty eventful few months.”
“I have.” I sniff.
“And you’ve been holding all this in?”
I nod. “I can’t tell anyone.”
“Oh, honey, even if I weren’t your doctor, you could’ve told me. I love you like I love my own kids, maybe even more since you don’t talk back near as much as they do. You never have to be afraid to talk to me. This is a lot of feelings to unpack. Also, you’re lying to yourself about whatever is going on with Asher.”
“I’m afraid I could be in love with him.”
Her hand tightens. “I think you know the truth on that one.”
I do. The fact that I even considered not going to college or that Vanderbilt is now clearly my top school because I can get home a little faster says it all.
“Are you practicing safe sex?” Lucy asks.
“Yes, we are. I take my birth control every night before bed, and we use condoms.”
She lets out a deep sigh. “Well, that’s good. I’m not going to say this as your doctor, but as your other mother. You should talk to Asher. Tell him how you feel, and if it’s going to hurt your future, baby girl, walk away.”
My chest tightens, and I move my hand there. It hurts to think about walking away from him and knowing that’s exactly what will happen. “How did this happen to me?”
“What?”
“Falling in love with the guy I hated! He’s Asher Whitlock, the world’s biggest jerk to me. He just . . . God, he isn’t a jerk. That’s the issue. He’s so sweet, so thoughtful, and I swore this would be easy and fun. Now, I’m here crying about it. I can’t fall in love with him this fast.”
Lucy raises both brows at that. “Do you not remember the story of your parents? Your mother spoke three words to that man, and the next ones out of her mouth were, ‘I’m going to marry him.’ Three weeks later, they tied the knot. She loved him the moment she met him, and she loved him until the day she died. Love doesn’t work on a time schedule.”
“I wish it did.”
She smiles. “We all wish a lot of things, but we have choices. You can be honest with him and decide to walk away now before you’re in too deep. I just”—Lucy clasps both hands and places them on her lap, and I know the mother part of her talk is coming—“I want you to remember your why. How you called me when you finally decided what you wanted to do. How you were overjoyed by the prospect of becoming an audiologist. You learned ASL, studied hard, and worked through undergrad to make sure you could go where you wanted. You told me how there was no time for love and relationships until you established yourself. Remember your why, Phoebe, and maybe the how will become clearer.”
It feels as though she just hit me with a bat, and the air in the room is harder to find. School has been my goal, and helping children just like Olivia is my dream. I didn’t date in college, mostly because I had no time for horny boys who had no desire to be serious. And I am serious.
I like serious.
Because I wasn’t for so long, and I was lost.
