Page 98 of Forbidden Hearts
I laugh once. “Well, I have. Not woman, but a married man.”
Asher blinks a few times, clearly stunned at my admission. “In Iowa?”
“I want to preface this by admitting that I was really naïve going to school. I grew up in Sugarloaf with a father who was a cop. No one really dated me. Hell, even now, I’ve never really had a date. I got to school, kept my head down, and focused on school, and four years passed without ever having a boyfriend.”
“For real?”
I glance at my clasped hands, hating that I am so inept in this way. “Yeah, and then I got into Iowa, and I was determined to have a relationship. I wanted to find love and friendship while I was in grad school. My friends were all dating, and I just thought, if I could find someone to love me, I’d be happy.”
“So, you slept with a married man?” he asks without the judgment that I deserve.
I nod. “Yes, but it wasn’t like that. I didn’t know he was married. I didn’t know any of it. But it’s even worse than that, which is bad enough on its own. He was my professor. Seems I have a penchant for older guys who hold authority.” Bile rises in my throat as I think about it all, but Asher asked, and I wanted to give him a reason to walk away, so here it is.
“Hey, I’m not married,” he defends. “I want you to be happy.”
I lean forward, taking his hand. “I know that, which is why we’re here now. I know you’re not lying or trying to hurt me. He was in his mid-thirties and attractive. I had no desire to have some secret relationship. I wanted love. At first, he would find ways to get me alone, but nothing ever happened. We’d just talk. He told me about his divorce and how he was struggling because she wanted to ruin his life. I felt so bad for him. I thought, what a bitch she was to hurt him when he was so nice. I guess that was part of his game,” I say, feeling foolish.
Asher entwines my fingers with his. “Go on.”
“I fell for it all. The lies, the secrets, the promises. I thought, God, this guy is perfect. He would take me to dinner a few towns away because we couldn’t admit to what we were doing, he could be fired. Then we’d sneak away in classrooms that were empty, like the thrill of it all was too much. Then I’d go back to my room, hiding what we were doing from everyone.”
“Phoebe . . .” I can hear the change in his voice.
“Let me get it out, please.”
He nods.
“He promised that as soon as the semester was over and he wasn’t my professor, we would tell everyone. We’d be together, and he wanted the world to know he loved me. It was a...whirlwind, and I believed I was in love with him. I told myself over and over that he was the one.”
“Did you love him?” Asher asks, and my eyes lift to his. I was lost there for a moment.
“No. Not even a little. I was just caught up in the thrill of it. When I look back, every sign was there. He never took me to his place. If he was divorced, why would that matter? Why did we have to be at a hotel or in his car like fucking teenagers doing something wrong? Everything he did fed the lies. We got careless, and one day we were in his office and someone took a photo.”
His fingers tighten. “A photo of you?”
“Yes, of me about to kiss him. They posted it with a photo of him, his wife, and his brand-new baby beside it. I . . . I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t escape the names they called me or the way they said I was coming onto him. I was called a whore, a slut, a homewrecker. The comments on the thread made me sick, and then his wife commented, and I couldn’t take it. She said I’d hit on him over and over again, and when he kept telling me no, I assaulted him.”
I look at him, feeling like every name I was called, and wait for the condemnation. “I know you don’t believe this, but it wasn’t your fault. He took advantage of you and manipulated the situation.”
“I let him.”
“And now I’m doing it to you.”
I shake my head, moving to him quickly. “Are you insane? You’re not lying about being married. You’re not offering me fake promises. You freed me, Asher. You showed me I was beautiful. You came here for me, not because you didn’t want me out in public but because you missed me.” I straddle his hips, taking his face in my hands. “You’ve made me feel smart, wanted, and have never offered me false hope. What we’re doing is between two consenting adults who really, really want each other. This isn’t lies and deceit, this is honest.”
“I will never lie to you,” he promises.
“I know.”
He rests his head against mine. “I want to kill him for hurting you. I would tear him apart and show the world what a coward he is. If anyone is the fool, Phoebe, it’s him. You are a fucking gift, and he never deserved you.”
I smile and kiss his nose. “Marshmallow.”
“Only with you.”
twenty-five
ASHER
