“You told him.” I’m not sure why I’m stating the obvious other than the less I say, the better chance I have of not screwing up.
She wipes under her eyes, and I sit on the floor beside her, back against the wall. “I don’t know why I thought he’d be any different reacting to this. I just wanted to believe maybe there’d be a sliver of compassion. I debated not even telling him but,” Phoebe admits, pausing and letting out a laugh. “I couldn’t. I wouldn’t because that’s just not who I am. He had a right to know, and I have a right to protect myself and whatever . . . God, what am I going to do?”
She’s going to have me, and we’ll figure this out. I don’t know how or where I go with this, but one step at a time. I entwine our fingers together. “You don’t have to do anything right now.”
“I don’t have a lot of time to make a decision.”
“Well, you don’t have to do it today.”
Not when she’s this upset.
She rests her head on my shoulder. “How do I do this? How do I raise a baby and try to have the life I’ve worked so hard for? Why was I so stupid? Why? I’m so dumb, and I’m so sad because I believed him. I fell for all his fucking bullshit like a fool. And now what? Now I lose it all? My career is gone, my father is going to freak out, and worst of all is that I lose you as well. I’m alone and pregnant and in love with a man who isn’t the father of the baby.”
My hand stills at her confession, which I don’t even know she meant to say. She loves me? I thought she might, but hearing it causes my heart to swell, and all I want is to make this better for her.
“You’re not alone.” I barely get the words out, and I hate that they don’t hold the conviction I want them to because I’m still reeling from my own realizations. I know I’ll never want to walk away from her. No matter what she decides, I can’t imagine my life without her and nor do I want to.
“But I am. I’m alone, and I’m going to lose you.”
Not a fucking chance. Even though this entire situation is a hundred degrees of fucked up, her fears aren’t valid here.
“You won’t lose me, Phoebe.” I shift, needing her to hear me, to see the truth in that. “You won’t lose me. You have me. I’m not walking away from you.” I take her beautiful face in my hands and bring my lips to hers. “You won’t lose me.”
She throws herself into my arms, and I adjust her on my lap. Her tears soak my shirt, and I do nothing but hold her together even when everything around us is falling apart.
thirty-one
PHOEBE
The tears eventually stop, but the confusion and uncertainty still weigh heavily. I move out of Asher’s lap, hating myself for telling him I love him in the worst way possible. You know, every man wants to hear that after you tell them you’re pregnant with another man’s baby.
Way to go, Phoebe.
He gets to his feet and then helps me up, but when I go to move away from him, he doesn’t relinquish his hold on my hands. “I meant what I said.”
My gaze is blurry from unshed tears. “About what?”
“You won’t lose me. You’re not alone. I’ll be here for you in whatever way you want or need.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“No, sweetheart, you don’t deserve what was done to you, but you’re more than deserving of how I feel about you.” His lips turn up slightly as he tucks my hair behind my ear before resting his palm against my cheek. “I don’t know much about relationships. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding them, but I have never felt this way before, Phoebe. You consume my thoughts, dreams, wants, and desires. You make me want to fight every man who looks at you, touches you, or even breathes your air. I want to protect you with every bone in my body, but more than that, I want to be the man who makes you happy. I don’t know if it’s love. I don’t know if it’s more than that, if such a thing exists, but I know that I don’t care if you’re pregnant or not pregnant any more than I care if it’s his baby or mine. None of that matters because all I want is you. However I can have you. However you want me, I’m yours.”
I shake my head, refusing to accept it. “No.”
“Yes.”
He doesn’t mean that, or maybe he thinks he does, but that will change once he has time to think about it. Tomorrow, when the world is bright again and his brain cells return, he’ll see that this is insane.
I walk back and out of his reach. “I appreciate that you said any of that, Asher. I really do. You have no idea how much I wish it could be the truth. I am in love with you.” I laugh because it’s just . . . one more thing. “I am. I didn’t want to be. I promised myself it wasn’t even possible. You’re you, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just that you’re Asher Whitlock, and I am definitely not in your league. While you will never be able to understand that what you said is the single most incredible thing anyone has ever said to me, you also don’t know what you’re saying.”
Asher steps closer. “I am not some kid off the street who doesn’t know what he wants. I’m a grown man with a child, a life, a good job, and a home.” His hand moves to cup my cheek again, and I don’t move away. “I’ve waited my entire life to feel this way, and while we have every reason to stay apart, I can’t come up with a single one that’s good enough to make me walk away. I know what I want, Phoebe, and I’m looking at her.”
He leans in, bringing his lips to mine in a soft, gentle kiss. I suck in a gasp of air and then fall into his arms. Asher catches me, holding me up while I struggle not to fall apart again.
The kiss slows and then stops before he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. “We’ll figure this out.”
Guilt for putting him in this situation assaults me. “You’re willing to stand by me? Why?”