Page 64 of Keep This Promise
But I can’t.
I can’t say a goddamn word.
I shift, and so does Sophie at the same time. I release her hand, and she brings both to my face. The two of us breathe each other in as the air grows thick in the car. I use every damn ounce of self-control I have not to maul her right here.
“Sophie,” I say softly.
Her eyelids flutter for a moment and then she looks at me. “Holden . . . I . . .”
Our mouths collide, and it’s heaven and hell and everywhere in between. I press my lips to hers desperately, needing to feel her, to kiss her. Her head tilts to the side, and she opens for me. This kiss is absolutely not what I wanted it to be. It’s hungry and filled with the fucking nightmare we experienced tonight.
Our tongues melt against each other’s, and her hands move to the back of my head, holding me there. The soft moan that falls from her lips has my cock hard in an instant.
There’s no tenderness in this. No softness. It’s all passion and anger and . . . fuck. She deserves to be kissed better than this.
Damn it. She deserves more.
Not another mauling by me.
Before I can break away, she pulls back, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh, God. I...I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I ask. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me who is sorry.”
Fuck. Twice now I’ve used her, and the first time I don’t even remember.
“We can’t do this, Holden. Not now. Not when we just . . . went through all that.”
Our eyes meet in the moonlight. “I’m such an asshole.”
“No! God no!” she reassures me, turning her head to look at the back door of Run to Me. “I care about you. I want to kiss you, I really do, I’m just afraid that we’re going to regret doing this now—like this.”
The last thing in the world I want is for her to regret a second with me. “I don’t want to do that.”
“I know, but there is so much we have to discuss. Things we didn’t get to talk about.”
“Like what?”
Sophie shakes her head. “I might have to leave suddenly, and then what? What becomes of us then?”
“And what becomes of me if you leave and take Eden?” I counter. “You’re not the only one who risks being hurt. I love that little girl, and I want to be the father she needs. I want to be the father I could’ve been from the beginning.”
“I know this. I think about it all the time. I worry that I’ll have to pack a bag and run away. It’s going to be hard enough if . . .”
My heart is pounding as I force myself to keep calm. “If what?”
“If I fall for you. If I have to leave and lose you as more than just what we are now. If I have to hurt you by taking Eden, that will be bad enough, but if I love you, then what?”
Maybe she’s right. It was idyllic to think that maybe Sophie could be more. No matter how much I want her or how many nights I lie awake in bed, wishing I could hold her, my asking her for more is unfair to her and Eden. She could turn around tomorrow and disappear, and if the worst-case scenario she described plays out...I’d fucking lose my mind.
“Then we stay friends only and, what?”
Her gaze falls to her lap where she twists her fingers. “Suffer, I guess. I’m not sure how I’d keep my heart out of this, but I know it isn’t something I should risk while there is still a chance I’d have to run again. Believe me, that isn’t what I want.”
“Then what do you want?”
“You.”
That word is like a gunshot in the car. “I’m right here. I’m not afraid.”
