Page 51 of Keep This Promise
“Then maybe it’s a good thing I fell asleep.” I offer him a smile.
The truth is that I barely sleep. Every noise wakes me, making me wonder if someone is in the house. I’m always on edge, waiting for something or someone to pop out of the dark. Feeling safe for a bit allowed me to finally relax.
“Listen, anytime you need me to be your pillow, I’m here.”
“I appreciate the offer.” Although, it’s a dangerous one to accept. I could become too comfortable and forget that this life could unravel at any point. I don’t know what or who or why I had to run away. I have nothing other than a letter that tells me no information and a hope that coming here was enough to keep us safe.
But, with Holden, I want more than just a half existence, and with each day that passes, we become more of a family than anything else.
I cook some nights, then he does, and we both care for Eden. He has taken to his role of parenting quite splendidly. He adores her, and she thinks he’s perfect, which I find myself agreeing with.
I stare out the window at the falling snow, blanketing the ground in an untouched sheet. While I am not a fan of the cold, I do love the snow. There is something magical about snowfall, how it repaints the earth in brightness. It’s freshness that hints at a new beginning just on the horizon.
Could I have that?
I want it. I would stay here, in this warmth, with this man who has given us a new start. The past is covered and forgotten by the newness that he offers.
It’s right here in front of me, but I am so afraid to grab it.
“Hey, where is your mind?” Holden asks, adjusting the blanket around me.
“In a fantasy,” I admit.
“Was it a good one?”
I smile, letting out a short laugh. “It could’ve been if it were possible.”
Holden takes my chin between his thumb and pointer, gently nudging me to look at him. “I’ve dreamed of things I never thought were possible, and sometimes they do come true. You may think it’s a fantasy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t become reality, Sophie. Dreaming is how we have hope for a better future.”
“And if that future is still terrifying because, while I may want it, I don’t know that it’s right?”
He must know I’m speaking of us.
Please tell me you want the same and that we’ll find a way.
No, that’s daft. I don’t want that. I need him to be the strong one, damn it.
“None of us really know if something is ever right, we just have to have faith.”
And that’s where I am struggling.
I yawn, and Holden chuckles. “Come on, you need to get some sleep.”
I get to my feet, fold the blanket, and wait as he gets himself up. We walk down the hallway to our rooms. I’m not sure if I should say something or, if I did, that I could keep from kissing him.
When we get to my door, he speaks first. “I have an early shift Friday, but I was hoping after, maybe you’d let Mama James hang with Eden so we could go grab something to eat and talk?”
“Like a . . .”
God, that sounds as if he’s asking me on a date, which would be crazy because it’s so soon. I’m not ready for that. But maybe I’m being forward by thinking that. What if it’s not a date, and he wants to talk to me about parental rights?
We would have to figure out something because I can’t even dispute things. Holden’s name isn’t on the new birth certificate.
“Like a dinner,” he finishes before my panic really sets in. “Nothing more than two friends having dinner to talk about life.”
“All right.” I’m sure he can hear the hesitation in my voice.
“Sophie, I promise, it’s nothing. I just would like for us to hang out and get to know each other more. Eden loves going to Mama James’s house, and we know she’s safe there. I’ll even have Emmett put a patrol car on her block if you want to have another layer of comfort.”
