Page 202 of Keep This Promise
“Then we stay friends only and, what?”
Her gaze falls to her lap where she twists her fingers. “Suffer, I guess. I’m not sure how I’d keep my heart out of this, but I know it isn’t something I should risk while there is still a chance I’d have to run again. Believe me, that isn’t what I want.”
“Then what do you want?”
“You.”
That word is like a gunshot in the car. “I’m right here. I’m not afraid.”
“I am! Don’t you worry about the fact that, at any moment, things could change?”
“So you’d rather let fear take away your chance at happiness?” I counter. She shakes her head, looking away. “This is your choice, Sophie,” I remind her. “I wasn’t sorry that I kissed you. I was going to stop for a completely different reason. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with you.”
I might as well lay it all out on the table.
“What mistakes?”
“Where I’m out of my mind and treat you like you mean nothing.”
“You have never treated me that way.”
“That’s good to know, gorgeous, but we had a beautiful moment the other night, then we went to dinner tonight, and it was perfect until I got that call.” I sound like an idiot. As the words are coming out, I want to punch myself in the face, but Sophie needs honesty more than anything. “What I’m saying is that Iwantto kiss you. I want to kiss you so fucking much. I think about kissing you all the goddamn time, but the last time I did, I ended up passing out in the bathroom stall.”
Sophie exhales. “It seems we’ve moved to a new location.”
“I don’t want that. I planned to walk you to your door, put Eden to bed, and kiss you properly.”
“I would’ve liked that, but we both know it’s not a good idea. Not when we have so much to lose.”
She isn’t ready, and I won’t push her. “That’s the thing. We’re already losing without ever getting to enjoy the good parts.”
And with that, I put the car in reverse and try to put the idea of more with Sophie behind me.
* * *
“Good grief, Holden. Were you in a war?” Mama James asks as she sees me.
Her hair is in the rollers she sleeps in with a long nightdress, as she called it, that zippers up the front. The slippers I bought her with the better soles on them at least are new, but this was the scene of my younger years.
Mama James in all her glory.
Her home is my favorite place in the world. It smells like cookies are always in the oven, and I knew that when I was here, the outside world couldn’t touch me. I can remember when I moved in, she put my things in my room and pointed to the boxes, informing me that they weren’t going to unpack themselves. I spent hours doing that, and when I was done, she had a plate of cookies and glass of milk on the table.
We sat for hours talking about all that happened and what it meant for me. It was the first time I ever felt like I was given a choice on what I wanted in life. I could’ve gone and lived with Isaac, his family would’ve taken me in without hesitating, but her house was where I needed to be.
“Is this what war looks like?” I ask her.
“It probably does. You’re a mess.”
I kiss her cheek. “You always know how to make me feel better about myself.” She scoffs. “Our emergency was not exactly what I expected.”
“I would hope not.” She turns to Sophie. “You still look lovely, dear.”
Sophie smiles. “Thank you for watching Eden.”
“Oh, posh!” She waves her hand, dismissing the appreciation. “I miss having kids running around here. It keeps me young. She was wonderful and fell asleep watchingThe Sound of Musicwith me. I am assuming it’s from the head rush of watching it upside down, which Holden did as a boy. I thought the music would soothe her, maybe it did. I love that movie, it’s so beautiful and the songs are not like what’s in movies these days.”
“I hate that movie.”
